Real Verses Fake

     Tonight I got a fresh glimpse of what opening your heart to love does. I opened my heart to love and suddenly entertainment did not look attractive. So is that why I am so drawn to movies and shows? Is it because I am continually shutting my heart to love? I am very suspicious that that is exactly what it is. I opened my heart and tears ran down my face.
     Lord, help me to keep my heart open to You and those around me. When I fail or feel that once again I have missed the mark, help me to keep my heart open to You. Lord, I want the realness of You to be so precious to me that I will tread carefully and yet with joy that You are with me. Help me to hear Your still small voice in the midst of the storm. Give me the strength to act on it. Lord, help me value what is real and true.
     My addiction in wanting to watch things all the time did not go away with a year of fasting. Now, comes dealing with the monster, again. Tonight gave me a look into what I do that might have a bearing on it. Ministry comes through love, acceptance and forgiveness. How can I receive it if my heart is closed up?

     I am thankful for: The longsufferingness of  God.
                           Work.
                            Connor and the privilege to babysit last week.
                            Jerry and his love.
                            Stacie and that she is getting to teach in Illinois.
                            Debi who stretches me and makes me think about what it is to be a Christian.
                            Jolene and the goals she is reaching for.
                            Brandon and his interest in life and involvement in it.
                            Melissa and her mothering of Connor.
                            Chris and his new house and independence.
                            New beginnings and new stages of life.
                            Being able to go to PA this weekend with Stacie for my parents auction. (Lord, please let their place sell.)     Bradley being able to fly out and drive out with Stacie to Ill. (Devoutly thankful for this.)
                             Jerry being able to go the writer's convention.
                             Church friends, especially ones that pray for you.
                             And church.
                           
                             

    Isn't family one of the most precious things? I try to treasure the moments. On Sunday, during the combined efforts of Jolene, Chris (who comes home for our traditional Sunday lunch), Jerry and I (Stacie and Debi were elsewhere) Jolene suddenly asks, "Did someone shoot the cat?" Just out of the blue! I gulp and turn away. (I do not have a poker face.) Jerry says, "What cat?" I said that I thought she surely would have forgotten about it by now.
    To give a bit of back story.. We had decided, we being Jerry and I, that we were not having any animals any more. Too busy and kids too busy. Well this feral cat decides to make us its home. Now this cat is the reverse of beautiful. The only thing it had going for it was its face. There were too many factors against it though. It was drawing other cats and cat fights and the smell of cat poop in my landscaping was gross. One morning I hear a shot so I ask Jerry what he shot figuring on an annoying bird or squirrel and he said the cat. Jolene was not at home so I swore everyone to secrecy as she had decided the cat was cute and nice. I did not want her traumatized at that time as she was going through something. I don't remember what.
    That was all quite a few weeks ago and Jolene has been really busy with her paramedic schooling and ride alongs plus sewing for people on the side. And here out of the blue comes the question. I said, "You were supposed to think she died on the road or something." Anyway, she got a kick out of Jerry's, "What cat?" And we were all laughing and she said, "Oh no, anything disappears around here and I know what happened!"

Tightening Of Belts

   Greetings!
   A rather long time has passed since I last posted. Things have changed rather drastically. First, my husband is laid up with a broken ankle. Side note: How do you cheer up a man that is incapacitated? Stacie and I moved him to the main floor living room so he does not have to go stairs as much. But his choices are limited with crutches. He writes, mostly, and watches things now and then.
   Another change is I am off my watching fast since my birthday which was D-day. Yes, I have started watching things again and don't feel good about it. I hate the hold it gets on me. I just realized that God said He gives a way to escape. I think He has been trying to do that and I have not noticed or thought it was just my own thoughts. Sometimes writing about things clarifies issues.
    Chris has been painting and laying tile in his house and informed us that he will probably be moving out in about a month. This came as a bit of a shocker to me. I knew it was coming but wow! this soon?! He will be missed. Makes me rather sad. I am thinking weekly family dinners, etc.
     I got to babysit Connor yesterday. He is starting to coo and was smiling quite a bit. Grand-babies are the best!
     Everything is gorgeously green and beautiful outside. I am not doing much bird watching due to being busy. More jobs than ever. Trying to do some spring cleaning, etc.
     The tightening of belts comes with no construction work and lower publisher's check than usual.
     Stacie graduates next Saturday. Another child done with college. Trips to and from Illinois continue apace. :)
     Jolene is doing well in college and is finishing her first year and plans to continue with classes this summer.
     Here's to getting my head on straight and following God's leading. Blessings to all friends! The preciousness of friendship has really been brought home to me recently.
     Oh yes! A new challenge and getting out of my comfort zone and how! Jerry wants to take to a writer's conference in Philadelphia in August and wants me to go too and be involved and then go up to upstate New York and do research for a book. The writer's conference part is what scares me. Quake!
     

Distaste

   Greetings Fellow Travelers!
   On a tired Monday evening, after two jobs filled mostly with cleaning excessively dirty windows, I am relaxing a bit. Enjoyed the tulips, dogwoods, redbuds and the lilacs along the way. Lacy trees with their beginning leaves and even the yellow pollen dusting things are all a part of the spring beauty. On my last job this afternoon, cooking was going on for Passover. I asked some questions and felt renewed and refreshed with the wonder of God and the great wonders He has done in the past and will do now and in future.
    He has answered prayer upon prayer and cry upon cry. Praise Him! He answered our broken and humble cry that Jerry's tendon not be ruptured. He answered my cry to Him at my last job when I felt a headache and nausea approaching and  cried to Him in my heart that He would lift it. I really wanted to see brother Dale on this Ohio trip and here he and Julian come home early from fishing with a hilarious fishing story. He said almost I did not have a brother. I said, "Why? You can swim." He said, "The water was like thirty degrees." I think my faith in God is growing. I am asking more instead of whining.
     Now for the "distaste". On Saturday evening I was by myself up at Jerry's parents except for Sue and Addison in the basement so I decided to watch something. I watched some Cosby Show episodes but my attention soon waned. Somehow it was almost distasteful. Not the show but just watching something so I stopped. That was very interesting to me. Also very encouraging. I will take all of that, that I can get.
     I am enjoying having Jerry up here even though he is in a cast. It is good for us to serve him. He is always the one serving so this is rather hard on him.
     "How lovely are the feet of them that bring good news."

The Time Draweth Nigh

    Blogging has been neglected of late. Realizing that my fast is almost at an end, I decided to write this morning.  

    Wow! Four days. What then, I wonder. Since no exact plan of action has entered my brain, I don't believe I will hatch one up. One thing I know, is my compulsive side has not died a complete death. Frankly, I was hoping it would, even though I know things don't usually work that way. 

     My opinion of watching things has gone further down hill. I read a book on one of my favorite, fairly clean actresses. Found it very interesting but then towards the end, the complete approval of the homosexual life style came to the fore. Hollywood seems to be shot through with it even years ago. Maybe even more so then. Somehow it sickened me. Why partake of something so tainted? I don't know. By the way, I am not promising to never watch something. I also don't plan to judge people who do. 

     The unhealthiness of mindlessly watching something is also fresh in my mind. I think it is probably one of the least healthy things you can do. But here again, I am not promising never to watch anything. One thing that has been interesting to me is the unrelenting pressure to be doing something. I wonder if that is not part of why we watch things to block it out. What ever happened to just sitting down and staring into space or looking peacefully at your loved ones? I have done this more than once since starting this and it is very restful. What's more, is that you are available when others want to talk or visit. It is way more restful than watching something. After a bit, you feel like getting up and doing something or if tired take a nap or if evening go to bed. 

      Now, an update on family. Jerry injured his foot when he stepped on a ladder without checking it and down it went. He jumped free but there was a trench so he landed on one foot. Twelve feet down. Needless to say, it is swollen and very sore and he hobbles around on one crutch. He has been a bit low about this and discouraged. Poor guy. On the other hand, he had a good idea for a book! His editor likes it and wants to present it to the rest of the publishing group.

      Chris has the siding on his house. It has been scrabbling between rain and mud but he is on the home stretch. It is great to see him energized and happy and even singing at times. Playing the piano in the evening, etc. So glad for this after the bouts of Lymes and then mono. 

      Brandon got us another housecleaning job at a place he has been painting for months. Melissa is busy being a mom to Connor. And Connor is growing nicely and sweet as can be. (I am not prejudiced. :)  

      Jolene is busy with college. She also helps with several cleaning jobs and is sewing for people. Her plate is full. 

      Stacie is finishing her last semester of college. She helps with cleaning jobs and also helps around the house. She is praying for God's leading for this summer. Bradley surprised her last Friday night and made her weekend. 

       Debi is busy working at the bread store and has applied for another part time job. Our house has been taking a beating due to the very busy schedules. I finally straightened up parts of it. She comes home last night and whimpers, "Why is the house clean?" Grin. 

      I am busy with more cleaning jobs than I have ever had and have signed up to sell this healthy coffee. It has been a godsend to me. Getting me off the plateau I was on with my diet and giving more energy. I also realized that my foot has been hurting even less with it. The one kind has something in it that promotes circulation and has helped more than one person with arthritis pain or inflammation. Anyway, very tickled with the energy, especially. I have been trying to learn how to run a business and not obsess about it. Jerry has given me some tips that help.

     Oh! Oh! I forgot. This is big! My parents are maybe, possibly, probably moving down here. I have to pinch myself. I have to take deep breaths and stay calm. I am afraid deep down that it won't come to pass. For now, I will enjoy the thought. Yay!

      

     

Falling Off the Wagon

     Tonight... Jolene and Stacie are cleaning up the kitchen. Jerry is also in the kitchen making his lunch. (He does not allow me to fix his lunch due to former misdemeanors of mine.) I am standing at the end of the counter. Jerry's chocolate truffles gaze up at me. I open the box, viewing them suspiciously. Nobody notices. I pick one up curious as to its insides, I break it in half, hoping for caramel or vanilla or something interesting. Only chocolate. Bummer. Still looks good so I take a bite of the one half. Start chewing...suddenly Jolene notices, shrieks and is after me. I run, grasping the half in one fist and the fourth in the other. She grabs me, both of us laughing and me still chewing for dear life and she admonishing me and trying to wrest the other pieces from my grasp. Stacie is laughing so hard she is on the floor. Jolene gets me out to the wastebasket commanding, "Spit it out!" which I have no intention of doing and pop the other fourth in my mouth which evokes more horror. Somehow the half grasped in the other fist flies out and lands on the floor. Jerry laughing grabs it and throws it into the wastebasket. Somewhere during this time Debi comes up from the basement and looks like she's wondering if we all lost our minds. They call this an intervention. I stick my nose in the air and say I am going to go take a shower. To which, Jolene replies that that is what I should have been doing in the first place.
      The thing they don't know is that I fell off the wagon earlier in the day. I ate three, yes, that's right three not one, not two, but three lemon bars for lunch. I have excuses but I am too tired to name them. Thankfully, the lemon bars are almost gone and hopefully some self-control will reappear. I don't want to give up now so Lord willing and my strength not fail me, I will continue.

Church and Woodcocks

     What a beautiful day! I think I walked four or five miles. I was checking out some birding hot spots and walking the trail. I did not see much but just walking in the sunshine was lovely.
      The brother who had the Sunday School devotions this morning does not like to speak in public and seldom does, but it was very good. First he read first Corinthians twelve. His burden was that our church members don't start nit picking about things that don't matter. That we not make other people in the church carbon copies of each other but that we recognize different gifts and callings. He brought out how he himself grew up with always wearing long sleeves to church and he still does because that is what he feels comfortable with but he is not going to force it on someone else. Really appreciated his burden.
      John preached on the tongue. Very convicting but also inspiring. Lots of scripture to go with it. Did some apologizing on the way home. He brought out how if things come out of our mouth that we wonder where that came from, we need to pause and see what is going on in our heart. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." He also said how we cannot praise God and then run our brother into the ground. This is one that convicted me. Somehow it was also inspiring. The idea of having our hearts so brim full of Jesus that that is what comes out without effort almost.
      Sunday school ministered too. Being citizens of heaven and ambassadors down here. Rhoda read off all that an ambassador does. Very inspiring. I asked if she would send them to me and she said she would. When she does I will try and share them.
      Then tonight Stacie and I met Joy at some cut over land and listened and watched the Woodcocks. This was on my list of things to do this spring and now I have experienced it. Woodcocks are birds, by the way. They do their courting at dusk, when it is almost dark. Thankfully, it was still light enough for us to see.
       I think this coffee and tea is increasing my energy because I seem to have more stamina and awakeness by far than I did before. I am definitely shrinking because I fit into clothes I haven't in a good while. Yay! I have lost twenty-seven pounds so far. Grin.