Frustration

    Maybe writing in the morning will work better. Evenings are not working so well.
    My foot is worse lately and my other foot is not feeling so good. Discouragement wants to plague me as well as anger. I did not realize until right now that there is an element of anger in this. Frustration at it getting worse for no apparent reason; then trying to figure out what I am doing wrong. Maybe I should quit trying to keep it at bay, maybe trying to find reasons is useless, maybe always blaming myself for doing something wrong is stupid. MAYBE I should cast all that aside and pray. Cry out to God for help, for mercy and healing.
     On another note, I have been trying to glean some healthy and trimming information from a very fat diet book. I have tried a few recipes and liked them. I just don't like wading through a mountain of unnecessary words to get to the info I want. I decided to use Jerry's illustration of just doing what you are capable of, as far as new resolutions go. Applying this to dieting makes me breathe easier and is much less condemning.
     The fast continues, with good results. I continue with some trepidation and circumspectness. (I know, I know. It is not a word.) There is a sense of danger coming from the fact that the battle we were in, has lessened greatly. Thank-you Jesus and praise your holy name! What happens is that you relax your guard to some degree. The reaction is to let caution fly to the winds and "just max and relax." Anyway, this is what I do not want to do but I feel it knocking, that kick back feeling. What goes with that feeling is to let go of fasting and just chill. Lord help me to walk with a view to the seriousness of the race we are in and not relax my guard. Rest, yes, but not without a soberness and awareness of danger and the evil that wants to beset us.
     I used to think we were not on the front lines in this country but I see it quite differently now. There is so much of the occult intertwined and interwoven even in legitimate things in out country and it is affecting people a lot more than is thought. My sister, who is a nurse, said how the computer calendar for the hospital's medical group now has witch's holidays on it. How we have fallen! This country with its great revivals and Christianity has sunken pretty far. It must be grievous in God's eyes. May God help us to be ready to lose our lives for the sake of the gospel. Help us to stand for truth and right!