Cold weather is here again. Am trying to get the laundry done in case of ice and lack of electricity. Tired and grouchy or more like grim and gloomy is my mood right now. Wish it would leave. Maybe I should be poisoned again. Last week one night I could not sleep so Jerry offers me sleeping pills. I did not really want to but he thought I should so I did. The next morning I feel like death. (Why do I say this? Who knows what death feels like but someone who actually died?) Let us just say I felt rotten. I shuffle up to the girls' room, ask Stacie whether she can do the cleaning job for that day. She says she can and I go back to bed with the worst headache and nausea I have had in a while. It took all day to get over it. Jerry thinks it might have been the sleeping pills so checks the expiration date and it is 2008. I said, "I was being poisoned in my own house and by my own husband." Grin. The pills reside here no more.
Stacie and I went to hear Chonda Pierce on Friday night. Enjoyed it very much. She had an Australian singer with her that took part in the show. At one point she said to him, "You don't have a president do you?" He said, "No. We have a prime minister." She said, "Do you want ours?" After intermission she did more just ministry and went a half hour over time. We would be in tears one minute and laughing the next. She really brought out how you should keep your friendships and family relationships up so that when they pass away, you have no regrets. Very poignant.
She also shared how her dad was a minister while being abusive in more than one respect to his girls. The hypocrisy and faking that went on for the sake of the church did so much more harm than good. Then Stacie tells me of this preacher she heard in Illinois who with devastating frankness shared how at the height of his ministry God impressed on his heart that he needs to take a six month sabbatical which he finally did. During that time he started seeing the pride in his life and the people he worked with started telling him what they saw in his life and he said it stank. Then Stacie tells me how good the meetings were with this preacher. Two very different pictures.
I have been hoping this fast would grow into more fasting of sorts or perhaps just the strength to be more moderate in some respects. It seems to be maybe, possibly doing this. Will keep you posted.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Insects and Meltdowns
Greetings!
Warmer weather was greeted by ladybugs and sluggish flies. Does anyone else hate, absolutely hate flies in November? Or December for that matter? A pet peeve of mine.
I stayed home from church today due to several meltdowns yesterday (I am sure noone else has meltdowns) and waking up with a headache, etc. at four a.m. I got up then and drank my kefir and made the casserole for the carry-in at church then went back to bed or rather the recliner. At six still feeling icky I got up and did some clean up in the kitchen and made coffee and oatmeal. My headache meal is oatmeal, no milk with honey and unsweetened applesauce, if the headache is a scorcher I don't even add the honey. Then hit the recliner again. I groggily slept through much of the morning then people began getting up. They were very quiet so I continued snoozing, waking about a half hour before they left or maybe it was an hour. Anyway, I felt better so continued with getting ready for the day, briefly contemplated going to church late, decided my frail nervous system couldn't take it and hit the recliner again. Could not sleep so eventually decided the state of the house was getting on my last nerve so started some clean up procedures.
Some new observations on this fast: I get flashbacks of movies I've seen. Always something that traumatized me and at very random times. I have started asking the Lord's forgiveness for watching them and asking his blood to cleanse me from these scenes. Also, now is entering the hard part. The evenings are long and dark and the kids are watching Leverage which is quite tempting. I have a special weakness for good dialogue and this show has that.
I am contemplating taking another college class after this semester is over. Jolene wants me to take Ethics with her and Stacie which is also with the same professor. I am tempted to as I am curious what he will say but don't know if it will work out especially with my jobs.
Bedtime.
Warmer weather was greeted by ladybugs and sluggish flies. Does anyone else hate, absolutely hate flies in November? Or December for that matter? A pet peeve of mine.
I stayed home from church today due to several meltdowns yesterday (I am sure noone else has meltdowns) and waking up with a headache, etc. at four a.m. I got up then and drank my kefir and made the casserole for the carry-in at church then went back to bed or rather the recliner. At six still feeling icky I got up and did some clean up in the kitchen and made coffee and oatmeal. My headache meal is oatmeal, no milk with honey and unsweetened applesauce, if the headache is a scorcher I don't even add the honey. Then hit the recliner again. I groggily slept through much of the morning then people began getting up. They were very quiet so I continued snoozing, waking about a half hour before they left or maybe it was an hour. Anyway, I felt better so continued with getting ready for the day, briefly contemplated going to church late, decided my frail nervous system couldn't take it and hit the recliner again. Could not sleep so eventually decided the state of the house was getting on my last nerve so started some clean up procedures.
Some new observations on this fast: I get flashbacks of movies I've seen. Always something that traumatized me and at very random times. I have started asking the Lord's forgiveness for watching them and asking his blood to cleanse me from these scenes. Also, now is entering the hard part. The evenings are long and dark and the kids are watching Leverage which is quite tempting. I have a special weakness for good dialogue and this show has that.
I am contemplating taking another college class after this semester is over. Jolene wants me to take Ethics with her and Stacie which is also with the same professor. I am tempted to as I am curious what he will say but don't know if it will work out especially with my jobs.
Bedtime.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Two Days
My therapy is complete. Feeling rather blue this morning when Stacie and I came home from work, I decided mowing the lawn and raking leaves would be cheering. (An arm has been waking me and keeping me awake at night and my foot is not too great.) It was lovely but I kept wondering how I was going to complete the task without help so when Stacie came home I asked her to call Jerry and ask if they could come early and help me remove the piles of leaves. She gave the message to Chris and soon here comes Jerry. Joy! His tallness and long arms make him perfect for carrying a king size sheet full of leaves plus it was fun to do it together. Chris was muttering about leaves but when he came home and saw the lawn he was impressed.
The cool weather is just down my alley. It invigorates me. It feels more festive than warm weather.
Yesterday was a day that was only appreciated when it was done. The first job Jolene and I went to, I did not charge enough which makes me feel crumby. This job has three large dogs that can go in and out at will. The amount of dirt they bring in is phenomenal. We mop the floors every week and the next time it is brown with dirt again. Oh well..I surprised the the owner because the grouchy one of the lot seems to like me now. I decided being friends with a guard dog is a good idea. Besides grouchy animals are more fun to befriend.
After lunch Jolene and I took off to the next house to clean. We were alone which was a plus. On the other hand she wanted the cupboards polished with furniture polish. Jolene starts on them and soon sees the futility of this and asks if she can wash them first. I inspect and concur. The next thing I know she has a hairpin out and is scratching at the crevices. I ask if that is really necessary, she thinks it is. I decide to help with the washing and it takes a while as they are gunky. Finally when this long job is done we leave the house to find two deer staring at us from the lawn so we chat with them until they decide to leave the two loony ladies. Riding down the very long lane, more deer cross our path making me jittery.
When we get home I ensconce my self on the love seat foot propped high and read. I decided not to move for at least two hours hoping to get my foot to simmer down. Jerry comes home, hears me groaning, starts massaging my foot and I hit the roof. This causes him to lift up his voice, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET THAT BRACE CHECKED OUT??" This is not the first time he has said this obviously since his patience is giving out. This starts me laughing and howling because he is still massaging my foot. Later in the kitchen the girls are being goofy and Jerry objects saying they should calm down as soon it will be bed time. (It is not even close to bedtime.) Jolene enters and drop kicks Stacie's soup that she is about to put in the microwave spiraling into the air gracefully and splats onto the floor. Jerry says, "See what comes of all this foolishness!" I hear nothing still in the living room. And then Jolene comes in bent double laughing so hard she is barely making sense. And then Stacie says, "That was my supper!" But as she is telling me what happened she starts laughing too.
On Monday we as a birding class get to go to Buggs Island. I am really looking forward to this and am hoping for cooperating weather and lots of new birds. The professor of this class sat down right in front of me last Monday and says, So, I was in this store and see this row of books. The author was Jerry Eicher." I said, "Uh oh." He goes on, "I pick one up, read on the back, Jerry married to Tina lives near Farmville, has four children. This can't be a coincidence." I agree it isn't. Then he said, "Stacie never said a word!" She has been in one of his classes last year already. He decides he wants to buy some of Jerry's books for his Mom and says he is going to read one.
I will now sign off as this lengthy bit of nonsense has gone to greater lengths than I thought it would.
The cool weather is just down my alley. It invigorates me. It feels more festive than warm weather.
Yesterday was a day that was only appreciated when it was done. The first job Jolene and I went to, I did not charge enough which makes me feel crumby. This job has three large dogs that can go in and out at will. The amount of dirt they bring in is phenomenal. We mop the floors every week and the next time it is brown with dirt again. Oh well..I surprised the the owner because the grouchy one of the lot seems to like me now. I decided being friends with a guard dog is a good idea. Besides grouchy animals are more fun to befriend.
After lunch Jolene and I took off to the next house to clean. We were alone which was a plus. On the other hand she wanted the cupboards polished with furniture polish. Jolene starts on them and soon sees the futility of this and asks if she can wash them first. I inspect and concur. The next thing I know she has a hairpin out and is scratching at the crevices. I ask if that is really necessary, she thinks it is. I decide to help with the washing and it takes a while as they are gunky. Finally when this long job is done we leave the house to find two deer staring at us from the lawn so we chat with them until they decide to leave the two loony ladies. Riding down the very long lane, more deer cross our path making me jittery.
When we get home I ensconce my self on the love seat foot propped high and read. I decided not to move for at least two hours hoping to get my foot to simmer down. Jerry comes home, hears me groaning, starts massaging my foot and I hit the roof. This causes him to lift up his voice, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET THAT BRACE CHECKED OUT??" This is not the first time he has said this obviously since his patience is giving out. This starts me laughing and howling because he is still massaging my foot. Later in the kitchen the girls are being goofy and Jerry objects saying they should calm down as soon it will be bed time. (It is not even close to bedtime.) Jolene enters and drop kicks Stacie's soup that she is about to put in the microwave spiraling into the air gracefully and splats onto the floor. Jerry says, "See what comes of all this foolishness!" I hear nothing still in the living room. And then Jolene comes in bent double laughing so hard she is barely making sense. And then Stacie says, "That was my supper!" But as she is telling me what happened she starts laughing too.
On Monday we as a birding class get to go to Buggs Island. I am really looking forward to this and am hoping for cooperating weather and lots of new birds. The professor of this class sat down right in front of me last Monday and says, So, I was in this store and see this row of books. The author was Jerry Eicher." I said, "Uh oh." He goes on, "I pick one up, read on the back, Jerry married to Tina lives near Farmville, has four children. This can't be a coincidence." I agree it isn't. Then he said, "Stacie never said a word!" She has been in one of his classes last year already. He decides he wants to buy some of Jerry's books for his Mom and says he is going to read one.
I will now sign off as this lengthy bit of nonsense has gone to greater lengths than I thought it would.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
His Presence
What happens when we come into the presence of the Lord? Weeping, repentance, joy? "In His presence is fullness of joy." Believing, believing what He has provided for us. Believing who we are in Christ. This makes me weep. All that He has provided. Too seldom do I meditate on this, too seldom do I let it break my heart.
Curiosity can keep us from the simple joys of life. This was made very real to me this morning. The internet is a huge trap in this area and makes it far to easy to go after it. I was checking out a certain church's services and realized it really was not doing me any good or drawing me any closer to God. Plus I had other duties to perform. I shut down the computer and looked out onto our deck and there was a yellow-rumped warbler. Joy came to me then. I realized I need to live where I am at without too much concern or curiosity about other places and people. In other words, mind my own business.
I am thankful for the joy of a quiet day. For peace. For a husband that brings me a book I like from the library. For a son that can make a yummy cheesecake. For two girls that are far away in Illinois visiting friends and a boyfriend. I am thankful that I will be a grandma soon. I am thankful for Debi who was remembering the first time she was in our house and telling me how scared she was. I am thankful for a God who can change lives so dramatically that what was before seems far away. I am thankful for the birding class I am taking along with Stacie and a church friend, Joy. I am deeply thankful for God's provision and blessing.
My prayer: Lord, help us weak, inconsistent, and sorry people to live in your presence. Help us to take the time to spend with you alone. Oh Lord, draw us. You know how easily we push things off or put things in your place. Help us to tear down our idols and serve only you. Help us to become a praying people. Let our love for each other be without pretence. Help us to forgive offenses quickly and not become bitter. Help us remember how very much we are forgiven by you, Lord. Help us walk in the fear of you and not in the fear of man. May our lives be lived in such a way as brings glory to you. In Jesus name.
Curiosity can keep us from the simple joys of life. This was made very real to me this morning. The internet is a huge trap in this area and makes it far to easy to go after it. I was checking out a certain church's services and realized it really was not doing me any good or drawing me any closer to God. Plus I had other duties to perform. I shut down the computer and looked out onto our deck and there was a yellow-rumped warbler. Joy came to me then. I realized I need to live where I am at without too much concern or curiosity about other places and people. In other words, mind my own business.
I am thankful for the joy of a quiet day. For peace. For a husband that brings me a book I like from the library. For a son that can make a yummy cheesecake. For two girls that are far away in Illinois visiting friends and a boyfriend. I am thankful that I will be a grandma soon. I am thankful for Debi who was remembering the first time she was in our house and telling me how scared she was. I am thankful for a God who can change lives so dramatically that what was before seems far away. I am thankful for the birding class I am taking along with Stacie and a church friend, Joy. I am deeply thankful for God's provision and blessing.
My prayer: Lord, help us weak, inconsistent, and sorry people to live in your presence. Help us to take the time to spend with you alone. Oh Lord, draw us. You know how easily we push things off or put things in your place. Help us to tear down our idols and serve only you. Help us to become a praying people. Let our love for each other be without pretence. Help us to forgive offenses quickly and not become bitter. Help us remember how very much we are forgiven by you, Lord. Help us walk in the fear of you and not in the fear of man. May our lives be lived in such a way as brings glory to you. In Jesus name.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Seeking...
The fast continues. There are things brewing in my head. I would like to add to my fast or practice more fasting in some other areas. Also practice more good things such as not criticizing, etc. The lifting my heart to Him practice is much more easily neglected than I anticipated. This is one that I want to continue working on, receiving life from Him as I go through my day. To live in it and walk in it. Praying is another one that has been niggling at me. To pray for people, to intercede for them. I need to be more intentional about it.
Reliance on God and the realization that we can do nothing without Him, is something I have been meditating on. How if God does not show up, the thing you are trying to do is for naught. Is my reliance on God of such a nature that when I see He is not in something, do I stop doing it? Am I even aware when He is not in something? Even in setting someone free, there is no way freedom is accomplished without Him. But if He shows up...Praise God! The calm confidence and faith that His way works, I do not have to force anything. Thank-you Jesus for peace.
Reliance on God and the realization that we can do nothing without Him, is something I have been meditating on. How if God does not show up, the thing you are trying to do is for naught. Is my reliance on God of such a nature that when I see He is not in something, do I stop doing it? Am I even aware when He is not in something? Even in setting someone free, there is no way freedom is accomplished without Him. But if He shows up...Praise God! The calm confidence and faith that His way works, I do not have to force anything. Thank-you Jesus for peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)