Equipping

     In our discipling do we equip people with what they need to become mature Christians? This seems to me to be a rather important question. Or do we because of our own immaturity and desire to lord it over someone keep the Christians we are discipling as babies? I think this takes self discipline in the one discipling and a willingness to let go. Also it takes faith in the One we serve, believing He can and is willing to keep those who we have committed to His care. Controlling everything is not faith. I am speaking to myself here. You so want things to keep going in the right direction that you're afraid to let go.
      How do you equip the one you are discipling? I think first of all that their help will come from God not man. That His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That which He tells us to do is doable, you do not have strain and struggle. That reading God's Word and siding with it, agreeing with it, and believing it starts the freeing process. Keeping an ear turned to Him for direction, inspiration and for what He wants to say to you as you go through your day and as you seek Him. He has to be our God not man. We must know where to turn to when hell is against us. We must know Who to listen to and learn to recognize His voice.
     I was thinking today how hellish perfectionism is. Hitler was a perfectionist. It almost makes me weep that God gives room for us to make mistakes. He does not condemn us but waits for us to see it and correct our course. How awesome is that! We must give our brothers and sisters in the Lord room to make mistakes. (I am talking of mistakes not sin.) We should not be quick to say, "they should not do that." How do we know? Have we walked in their shoes?
     I am sure there is a lot more to equip a person with but these are just some of my thoughts.

Speaking

    When you see someone who can not speak, you start seeing the importance of it. Not being able to pray, to read Bible verses aloud or speak truths from God's Word, because the enemy will not let you, is a handicap of major proportions. It is also a demonic stronghold, obviously.
     What I am seeing is that it is a privilege to speak truth, to read the Word aloud, to pray aloud, to sing His praises. We ought to always be willing when the Lord wants us to speak. We are to speak to ourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. We are to speak the truth in love. I hate to speak in public but I think I had better rethink that. What is more important is that it makes an impact in the spiritual world and can build faith in others.
     Now on another subject, I had a time of thankfulness for not being at the beck and call of movies and shows tonight. I had a time of swimming and spending time outside tonight. (Jerry came to visit me. :) There is no movie or show calling to me. Freedom! It is awesome! I really appreciate this freedom and I think it has enabled me to be a better soldier in this battle we are in.
     God is good! When? All the time! (Borrowed from Daniel Pollard)

Sorrow

"Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Does it avail anything to sorrow and grieve? Last night I felt a sorrow and a grief that is still with me. I am not sure where it all came from but it was there and very heavy. I have to believe God does not give a burden like that for no reason. If Jesus sorrowed and grieved when on this earth why should not we. "Though the wrong is oft so strong God is the Ruler yet."
     Was in prayer most of the day. Still feel the burden to pray and weep.
     Some promises: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee."
                                "My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."
                                "He will not suffer thy foot to be moved."
                                "He that keepeth thee will not slumber."
                                 "The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil."
                                 "He shall preserve thy soul."
                                 "The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth,
                                  and even for evermore.
    It is not often that I open my Bible and feel like the Lord gave me a verse right where it fell open but this morning that happened. I was moved to tears.
My thank-yous:

1. That Jolene and Stacie are being rejuvenated at the summer camp they're helping at and are enjoying it.
2. That Melissa had the inspiration to bring us supper. It was very good.
3. For blueberries.
4. For church family. What would we do without them?
5. For direction from husband and son late at night when all seems lost.
6. For Debi. Yes, Debi, I thank God for you.
7. For peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.
8. For cleanness, for holiness, for righteousness, (may it run down as a mighty stream!) for judgment and justice, (let God arise and His enemies be scattered.)
9. For insight, inspiration and unction.
10. For a love that reaches to the lowest hell. (Lord, help us show that love to the world.)

Every Day

     I have been writing every day but lately that is not working, not because of shirking but because of other obligations. I will try to write as often as possible as I think it is good for me.
     Yesterday during the singing, the phrase: His love reaches to the lowest hell, really ministered to me. I want to hang on to that and hopefully pass it on.
     Last night the fact that Jesus is our only hope but what an awesome hope, was again just refreshed in my mind and heart. How it grabs a troubled soul's attention to be told of the hope in Jesus. He is our Everything. Our peace, our rest, good will toward us, our strength, our hope, He is not afraid to go where we need Him most. Praise Him! I love Him much this morning. Our blessed Redeemer and Friend.

End of Pet Saga

    Jolene's little pet which was a raccoon is now gone. For rabies testing they kill the animal to test it. The test was negative for which we are very thankful but felt sorry for Jolene. Thankfully the authorities did not seem to be upset by the fact that she had a raccoon. The vet's secretary laughed and said you mean a raccoon attacked a raccoon. Exactly. Wildlife is overrated.
    The first swimmers were here today. Water is slightly refreshing causing some shivering. I am thankful for an uneventful pool opening this year. I am not sure if I am thankful that we have a pool because of cost. I had this vision of draining out the water, poking holes in the liner, filling it with good top soil and having a garden in it. There is already a fence so animals would be prohibited. Isn't that a good idea?! Jerry thought it a bit loopy. :)

Moving

    Brandons moved into their house today. I will miss them. Feel a bit emotional about it. :) I really like their house, the tall ceilings, the front porch, the stairway, the trim, the lights and the cupboards, etc.
     I am also missing the girls already. They are in Illinois for a wedding and then they will be helping at a camp for children for a week.
     I have been battling greatly with depression, condemnation, feelings of worthlessness, etc. I am not sure where it all comes from but I had told the Lord that if it is His will I would be willing to stand in the gap for Debi. If I have been standing in the gap a great deal got past me. Poor girl.
     I was reminded again to be thankful for the opportunity to work in the kingdom of God. Even if you only have a little to give, give it anyway. Give when you do not think you have enough extra to spare. Give when you have no extra. And be oh so grateful that your name is written in the book of life and for the privilege to give.

Rabies Test

    The vet got very serious when I told him about the attack of the coon on Jolene's pet which is also a young coon. He said coons in this area are bad for having rabies and that we need to get it tested immediately. Well, they have to kill it to test for rabies so that meant by by pet. We should find out by Friday. Tears and sorrow followed. Since most of us women folk had a bad day, I suggested Sweet Frog, which was accepted.
     Depression seems to be something everyone can identify with. This intrigues me. Why is there so much of it? What causes it? What is the remedy?

Depression

    Feel in the depths due to an exceedingly large bill from the pool guys. I need to get a full time job. Since I can not save money, I better work.
    This thing of writing every day has been getting neglected. I am going to endeavor to do better at this as Jerry said it is a good discipline.
     The pet is still recuperating and its back does not seem to be broken.
      Feel like life right now is two steps forward and three steps back. Hopefully this mood will dissipate soon.

Rhubarb Pie

    Joan brought home rhubarb from her in-laws and gave me some so rhubarb pie was on the menu tonight. One pie disappeared already. Very tasty.
    The pet is still crippled but rather lively tonight pulling herself around with her front legs. Promised Jolene I would give her several days. I would have grim satisfaction shooting that coon.
     When a victory is won, and then the victory seems to leave and the old commences again, do you start over? Or do you stand on the victory that you know was done and not be too dismayed? Am I following the Spirit or am I trying to follow what people have told me? All these questions have been going through my mind. It is hard for me to differentiate between what the Spirit is leading me to do and what I have been advised to do. I want to be open to advice but at the same time I want to be led by the Spirit and be able to hear what His voice is saying.
     To hear and be led of You, Oh Lord, this is what I want.

Trauma In the Wee Hours

    Didn't write last night due to headache, etc. Still have it and have eaten plain oatmeal, unsweetened applesauce and Cheddar cheese, my usual morning headache diet.
     I wake up at 1:30 AM to horrendous shrieking. Immediately realize it is Jolene's pet. Run out onto our front porch and in the corner there is a furry, writhing, shrieking mass. I shriek at it trying to get to it and it disappears. All is quiet. I call and call for it cause she's under bushes. Finally after a longish bit here she comes dragging her hind quarters kinda so I bring her in and wake Jolene. Her one foot is bloody. Jolene stays up most of the night caring for her. She tells me that at eleven she had heard shrieking and here a coon was on the back deck terrorizing her. She figures maybe she will be safe on the front porch which of course she was not. Sometimes I hate wild life. I like it in the wild not on my porches and decks. Recovery for the pet looks like a long shot. We will see.

Evening At Pond

     Thankful for:

1. An evening at a pond with church family and friends.
2. Yummy granola made by yours truly.
3. An indigo bunting sighted on a fence post singing its heart out.
4. Kayaks for the kids to enjoy on the pond.
5. An exciting boys verses girls volley ball game.
6. Fish for the fishermen and boys to catch.
7. Electricity. Some people went without a lot longer than we did with this past storm.
8. A Sunday school lesson on the tongue that I am supposed to teach tomorrow. When I saw it was on the tongue I was not sure I should teach it. I will endeavor to get the class to discuss it.
9. Should I be thankful for insects?
10. Jolene's beautiful tomato plants in our raised bed.

   As I said to Jerry a bit earlier, "Happy sleep."

Morning

    Did not write last night due to feeling very discouraged about myself so am writing this morning which is a gorgeous morning. (I am sure there is something wrong with that sentence.) No, I have not reneged on my fast. I am still on it though temptations have assailed me several times lately. It is almost like you get lonesome for the people on the shows, like you get an affection for them. Weird and virtual. It is a substitute for reality. I am getting the feeling that Jerry and I need to socialize more. I will report on how this goes. :)

Misc.

     Brandon is eating banana soup which Melissa and Debi think is gross. Jolene is playing with her pet. The windows are open and it is cool and breezy. Lovely. The electricity is off so the generator is on.
     We are thankful for another victory last night. Let righteousness rain down like a mighty stream.
     He has all we need. Jesus our Lord, our deliverer.
     I am running out of battery so good-night.

I Thank You, Lord

1. For my butterfly bush (that is not its name) but I like all the butterflies it draws.
2. For the gift that came into my house tonight from my secret prayer sister.
3. For a lovely anniversary trip.
4. For victories in the middle of the night.
5. For books that teach us things that might take much longer to figure out on our own.
6. For the Holy Spirit, Who gives us direction if we listen.
7. For the little bits of humor that come along to brighten our day.
8. For sweet potatoes with apples, orange juice and brown sugar.
9. For homemade bread.
10. For 90 degree weather (I say this with hesitancy).

        The love of the Father is precious. Help me to walk in it.

Two Months

    It is past the two month mark. One effect this is having that I noticed today, is that I am empowered to say no! Usually when the girls wanted to watch more than one movie I would join them. Now I will interfere if I have to, to make sure moderation is practiced. Wonderful! It has given me what I so often wanted but did not really have. It is so liberating!
    When we subtract something unhealthy, it makes room for healthy things. Maybe more subtraction should be practiced. Just a thought.
     Also if you add healthy things, it has a tendency to crowd out unhealthy things. Soon your appetite changes and you crave the healthy over the unhealthy.
     "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear."

Algebra

    I have to write this quick if I want to write this today. I was doing pretesting for placement testing in college. I am not finished yet due to the lateness of the hour. Stacie was helping me with some algebra problems. I love that stuff!
    I am planning to take an ornithology class this fall, Lord willing. I really do not have to do the testing but would like to know where I stand if I ever want to take more classes. Stacie is a great teacher because she actually understands it. We were having giggling fits every now and then due to my orneriness. At one point, she said, "Do not test me." :)
    For tonight "auf viedersehn."

Chimney Rock

     Today was lovely day, made all the more lovely because the ones here at home had a wonderful day at church. We got to Chimney Rock right when it opened so not many people were there and when we went on up to Exclamation Point there were no people at all for a while. We stayed there and listened to a bird, which we tried to find or Jerry did. I was resting on a rock. He finely found it so we gazed at it through my binoculars. It would wash itself then sing and repeat on and on.
     Anyway, I really liked that area. The Rock Creek that goes through the area just enthralled me. Huge boulders and rocks are strewn all over it and the water roars as it rushes between them.
     We were a bit taken aback by the heat we were met with here. I could see by Jerry's face that he was dreading working out in it tomorrow.
     We never did get a camera so this trip will be recorded in my journal only.
      To God be the glory great things He hath done. Thank-you Jesus for a praying community even if they are not all in the same church. This is in reference to a work done in a person's life.

The Last Straw

     After hiking to different waterfalls, and being very tired, I could not find my comb. The last straw. Jerry finds it in my suitcase, the absolute last straw. The phone rings when we are in bed, Jerry says not to answer it, I answer it and wish I had not. The positively, absolutely last straw.
     On a brighter note, we saw some beautiful waterfalls and beautiful green paths through the woods. The one waterfall was completely uninhabited so we spent some time there. I took my shoes and brace off and put my feet in the cold refreshing water and walked around in it. Jerry walked around on the rocks and compared the picture with the falls to make sure it was the right one. We got there on a gruesome path, taking it for the right one, which it was not but we got there all the same.
     I love mountain streams, and green, verdant paths in the woods. Add to it waterfalls and it is loveliness. I will admit to my legs feeling like jelly and puffing like a steam engine on occasion, with silent vows of getting in shape taking place in my head.
    Another bright note is the phone call turned out well. Praise the Lord.
    P.S. Is verdant the right word? I know it is a word due to spell check. :)

Brevard

     We are in the small town of Brevard, North Carolina. Small town does not quite capture it. (I was picturing a village.) It is something like Farmville, which is small to city people I am sure. Anyway, we are staying at this little motel which is a sixtyish style place and we have a small apartment in the upstairs. I love it. Feels secluded and roomy what with the kitchen and living area. Would be awesome to stay a week instead of a day and two nights. I am going to have to get a camera to take pictures of it. (Jerry forgot his.)
     The wedding was nice. Really liked the devoutness of the preacher who married them. Especially felt it when he was marrying them. Felt like weeping. I also liked the fact that there was no distraction during that time. Just that. Sometimes it seems to me our weddings become such a production. There is still something to be said for simplicity. I have not made any weddings yet so maybe I speak too soon.
     By the way, if you are curious, I am not watching anything on this trip and Jerry has not been either. It is very peaceful. I like it.

Disgruntled

     I am not sure what is wrong with me but I am impatient, grumpy and disagreeable. I feel sorry for Jerry. I keep praying that God would make me into the woman that Jerry needs me to be. I think He's missed it. I should be a patient, lovely person by now.
     I feel unquiet inside. I hate feeling so on edge.
     I feel tense about tomorrow. Probably my outfit is not conservative enough for this Beachy wedding. There are Amish from where we came from going to be there. We met most of them tonight. I enjoyed it but was glad to get back to the motel. I think I will relax more when this wedding is over and we are on our way to North Carolina for our anniversary trip.
     Lord, could you make me a nice person like right now.

Anniversary

    Our thirtieth anniversary approacheth. Seems a bit surreal. In a day when marriage is bombarded from all sides, I am thankful for mine.
    I have been reading a book of Jolene's by Rebecca St. James. It has many different stories in it of troubled young ladies and how they found Christ. What struck me is how prevalent troubled youth are, how common. It seems to me there is an anguished cry of troubled souls. Like the children of Israel in Egypt, with the enemy pressing hard, making the bondage stronger.
    There is such a mess of things contributing to it. A lack of Jesus, yes, but somehow people think they can have Jesus and other things. And the other things draw them back into a mess. Somehow the idea of giving up things for Him is anathema. The idea of obedience to that still small voice is abhorrent. Maybe because children are no longer taught obedience due to families in disarray, obeying the Father is very difficult. The way of the transgressor is hard so after much suffering not for righteousness sake but because of doing wrong and giving the enemy footholds in their life, they sometimes make it back to God.
     There is no longer just normal day to day working with patient endurance and acceptance. Welfare and disability are testimony to that. Self has gotten very large like a huge growth that bulges out on every side. Lord, help us to guide our children right and true. Help us to be devout, truely devout. Help us always to show a living God of heaven, who is real and present in our lives. Amen.

Patience

    How patient should one be with oneself? I have wondered about this. I think it might be beneficial. If you are patient with your mistakes and failings and not too shocked by them, I think you can more quickly pick up and go on. If you are patient with yourself you are also usually more patient with others.   
     I find it really hard to be patient with myself and my failings. When I stop and just accept that I failed again and instead of hating myself and am patient instead, then humbled I feel the love of God. How I wish I would do this more! I fall into the self-condemning mode before I even realize it and often am in it much too long before I notice.
     Who is our accuser? The enemy. Who is our Saviour? Jesus. Who grants mercy and pardon? Only our Father in heaven. Never the enemy. Lord, help me not to squandor this mercy and pardon. Help me to walk in Your grace.

Complaining

    Am making a concerted effort to quit complaining about anything. Decided I have descended into a very bad habit and want to get out of the rut. So tonight a thanks blog again.

1. For a spontaneous son (Brandon) who calls home asking if we could get a simple recipe for cicadas and that he will bring them home.
2. For a daughter (Stacie) who loves her brother's spontaneity and helps him accomplish it.
3. For children who can sit in the living room laughing and joking with each other. I love seeing them enjoy each other.
4. For a daughter (Jolene) who can go help her friend make a dress because she likes to sew.
5. For cicadas. :)
6. For a rainbow, concentrated colors at sunset and rain washed world.
7. For a church that works together with different ones operating in their different callings. Please Lord, may it continue.
8. For a women's Sunday school class where you can ask for advice and get it from wise women who live their Christianity.
9. For Stacie's sour cream cookies made from sister Ruth's recipe. We told Debi we ground up cicadas and put them in because she said, "there aren't cicadas in here are there?" :)
10. For Jesus as always. Our Comforter, our Redeemer, our Saviour.

Liberty

     The perfect law of liberty. What is it? How do we attain it?
     Why do we say free as a bird? It can fly and go where it wants to. It is not earth bound. The bird is not trying to be a bird. It is not trying to fly. It flies because of who it is. That is the perfect law of liberty when we can act out of who we are. God is good. He is not trying to be good. He is not trying to be holy. He acts out of who He is.
     We are free when we act out of who we are and are not trying and trying to be something. We are not free when we are slaves to our passions. We can act out of who we are when we are righteous. When are we righteous? I think this is a process but I would think that faith and believing would be first. He is our righteousness.
     I am trying to think this through. I think acting out of who we are in Christ is maybe not as difficult as it sounds. Often when we have urges or promptings, maybe we should trust them more and act on them. It seems to me as we walk more and more this way and follow His leading we become more and more like Him. I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe I can act out of who I am already now at times and as I become more like Him through believing and faith, I can act out of who I am without all these pauses and tryings.

Honestly!

    Jerry is watching a movie, Chris and Stacie are watching one, Jolene is watching something, and Debi is on the deck watching a movie. What would happen if we lived in a one room house? Togetherness is not happening here. At least there is nothing being watched on this floor unless you count the deck. Since it has been hottish the air conditioning is on and windows are closed so not much sound emanates into my area which is fine by me. I have thought of getting a plaque or something for this floor that says, no watching zone. I have found that even if they are watching something on their little doodads with ear phones it is unsettling. If you have to watch something go somewhere else and usually this is obeyed.
     I shall count this area as the people area, where you are present in mind as well as body. You may read books or talk or stare into space but you may NOT watch something. :) Ahhh.. the absence of noise, the peace of stillness, the blessedness of doing things in quiet. Having bodies around who are awake and conscious of their surroundings. I like it.
     As to having the house shut up because of heat and humidity, it causes cabin fever. You feel divorced from the elements. Don't get me wrong I like air conditioning immensely but somehow I don't like the shut off feeling. You feel like you are living in a fake world. When and if it cools down at night you don't appreciate it because you haven't been in the heat. You can't hear the birds singing or the tree frogs doing whatever it is they do. Isolation.
     On to other things, today was a nice day. The house is clean or most of it. (I had help.) The shopping got done. (Stacie did it.) I did some laundry. (Less to do on Monday.) Was going to make menus for next week but didn't. Stacie wants to cook.
     Sorry for the contractions but I got lonesome for them. Hopefully Jerry will not see this. Contractions are not to be used in writing for some reason. Oh well..Auf viedersehn. (I don't know if I spelled it right.)