New Life and Illness

    I am in love. Our little grandchild stole my heart tonight. He was born this afternoon and his name is Connor Flynn. He is so precious and dear. I wanted to protect him from the harshness of life. How do babies make it through all the testings, pokings and proddings they go through right after they are born? You would think they would get a complex.
    New life... then there is illness and death. When we got the news of our grandson being born, we were visiting friends. The lady is very ill and faces things I cannot imagine facing. Pain and early death. The pain is excruciating to the point that she has to go in every three months to get the pain blocked. She was so happy to hear of our grandchild. Their grandchild was born in December. She said it was God. It gave her a new lease on life. She has been ill for years but is a lot worse now. Anyway she always wanted to have a grandchild before she died. God answered her prayer. She also said that she has learned that when you give something to God, leave it there.
    Tonight when we were at the hospital Connor's other grandpa said to Jerry that having grandkids makes you realize that it is time for the younger generation to take over. To Jerry this was like a prophecy.
     What a lovely day! There was sorrow and there was joy and love. Love for old friends and love for a new member of our family.

Desperation

     With failure looming before me, looking inevitable, I thought of the verse that says He makes a way of escape. So in my heart crying out to God with my whole being, I said to Him, "You said You make a way of escape. You promised!" I just clung to it and insisted that this is what He promised, knowing all the time that otherwise there would be another failure, another flop and more defeat. Knowing also that of myself, it was not going to happen. The temptation was too strong. 

     The consequences of failure were too hideous, too horrible. Desperation gripped me. He heard. Sometime as I was cleaning yesterday afternoon, it lifted. New strength and wholeness was given. The tempter had to leave. Only Jesus. Only Jesus can grant this type of miracle.

     Trying to actively practice thankfulness and banishing any condemning or critical thoughts is occupying my thought life. Lots of practice still needed.

      Maybe I will explain a bit what I was being tempted with. Playing games on the computer was getting a hold of me again. I had started playing them while eating salad in order to get it down. But the big thing that I could feel slipping was my diet. Very frightening knowing what will be in my future if I don't get this weight off and keep doing the exercises. A very painful foot and surgery. Also I really want to get away from the compulsive behavior that has dominated my life. Freedom to live as I ought is what I want and have through Jesus.

      I am thankful for Jesus. Thankful that we have promises we can cling to and insist on. Thankful for supper at Ruby Tuesdays. (They have things I can eat.) Thankful that the girls could go skating with the youth group tonight. Thankful that Chris is getting a big meal at Texas De Brazil. (He has been working hard on his house and has been somewhat stressed.) Thankful that Brandon is there too. (They have had some stress lately.) Thankful that Johns and Christophers got to go to Honduras and that they found the coffee that Jerry and Stacie like. Thankful for renters for the two houses Jerry built. Very thankful. Thankful for life everlasting. May I live so as to be able to enjoy heaven and its wonders. 

Judging

    "Judge not that ye be not judged." That is the verse for me right now. Judgment descended on my head due to being too harsh and judgmental with one of my children. "The battle is lost in the spiritual before it is lost in the physical." This was said to me by my husband. I lost the battle there and other things followed like dominoes.
     Compassion and kindness in all situations are to be practiced by me hereafter. Even in my thoughts. Well, there can be wishful thinking, right?
     I am still on my watching fast and on my diet. I ate some tortilla chips this afternoon which were not on my diet. Confession time. And I did not do my exercises this morning.
     Lord, help me be more merciful and compassionate. Help me to guard my tongue and my attitude. Let my heart be soft and not full of rocks (offences). Help me do my duty and what lies before me without shirking. Oh Lord, let my face be ever towards you and your will.
P.S. If you could show how to keep the flies out of our house, I would be grateful.

Days of Temptation

    Why is temptation so much stronger at some times than others? Where does the onslaught come from? Have we allowed something in our house that is not pleasing to God?
     "Let God arise and His enemies be scattered!"
     I see more and more why Amy Carmichael did not allow anything tainted into her children's home, not even fairy stories. She would not accept any tainted money either. The demonic forces were so strong at times that they had to stand watch or these children they had rescued from the temples would get out of bed and start out for the temples. How strong is the pull of the old life in me? Way too strong. I had hoped this watching fast would deal my compulsive nature a death blow, only to find it alive and well.
     The end draws near. The urge to watch things is rearing its ugly head. What now?

Fasting and Dieting

    The urge to watch things has been stronger lately. I can almost taste it. I don't like the strength of it, especially with just, barely two months left. The harder winter doesn't help any. If it were warmer the urge to spring clean would hit.
    We have been keeping the house at sixty-four degrees. A letter came from our gas provider that said the price of gas will go up and it might not always be available when needed. Both our fireplaces are gas and the main floor is heated by a gas furnace. Sooo...coldness. We learn to dress in layers and people walk around in coats at times.
    Dieting continues apace. Salads got tiresome so beans, brown rice and cabbage have been a mainstay along with half an avocado mashed with onions, garlic and cumin. I actually rather like this. I will return to salads soon.
    Tonight stress and tension are knocking on the door. Not sure why.
    Another cleaning job is here. A rather dirty house that I will be doing Monday afternoons. My jobs all seem to come by word of mouth or at least mostly. I was not sure I wanted more but decided to keep going with it as things are a bit tight what with no construction jobs coming in. Jerry prices things but that is about as far as it goes. And I need to keep busy is another reason.
    My foot is doing pretty good. I usually wear my brace in the morning then take it off in the afternoon. It is holding up better than it has in a long time. The sports therapist gave me exercises to do that I do every day. He only had me come for three visits so the expense was minimal. Stacie and I went on a walk today. No brace and it went very well. Very pleased. Am really looking forward to being out of the brace.
    Lord, let the water that comes out of me be pure not muddy and tainted. Let the well from which I speak be pure. Only You can accomplish this, in this sin cursed world. Remind me to deny myself, take up my cross and follow you. Somehow Lord, make me a light. The darkness is getting worse. Witchcraft, heathenism, and wickedness is touted and admired. Give us voices crying out against evil without fear or favor. Touch me as only You can. In Jesus' Name.