Real Verses Fake

     Tonight I got a fresh glimpse of what opening your heart to love does. I opened my heart to love and suddenly entertainment did not look attractive. So is that why I am so drawn to movies and shows? Is it because I am continually shutting my heart to love? I am very suspicious that that is exactly what it is. I opened my heart and tears ran down my face.
     Lord, help me to keep my heart open to You and those around me. When I fail or feel that once again I have missed the mark, help me to keep my heart open to You. Lord, I want the realness of You to be so precious to me that I will tread carefully and yet with joy that You are with me. Help me to hear Your still small voice in the midst of the storm. Give me the strength to act on it. Lord, help me value what is real and true.
     My addiction in wanting to watch things all the time did not go away with a year of fasting. Now, comes dealing with the monster, again. Tonight gave me a look into what I do that might have a bearing on it. Ministry comes through love, acceptance and forgiveness. How can I receive it if my heart is closed up?

     I am thankful for: The longsufferingness of  God.
                           Work.
                            Connor and the privilege to babysit last week.
                            Jerry and his love.
                            Stacie and that she is getting to teach in Illinois.
                            Debi who stretches me and makes me think about what it is to be a Christian.
                            Jolene and the goals she is reaching for.
                            Brandon and his interest in life and involvement in it.
                            Melissa and her mothering of Connor.
                            Chris and his new house and independence.
                            New beginnings and new stages of life.
                            Being able to go to PA this weekend with Stacie for my parents auction. (Lord, please let their place sell.)     Bradley being able to fly out and drive out with Stacie to Ill. (Devoutly thankful for this.)
                             Jerry being able to go the writer's convention.
                             Church friends, especially ones that pray for you.
                             And church.
                           
                             

    Isn't family one of the most precious things? I try to treasure the moments. On Sunday, during the combined efforts of Jolene, Chris (who comes home for our traditional Sunday lunch), Jerry and I (Stacie and Debi were elsewhere) Jolene suddenly asks, "Did someone shoot the cat?" Just out of the blue! I gulp and turn away. (I do not have a poker face.) Jerry says, "What cat?" I said that I thought she surely would have forgotten about it by now.
    To give a bit of back story.. We had decided, we being Jerry and I, that we were not having any animals any more. Too busy and kids too busy. Well this feral cat decides to make us its home. Now this cat is the reverse of beautiful. The only thing it had going for it was its face. There were too many factors against it though. It was drawing other cats and cat fights and the smell of cat poop in my landscaping was gross. One morning I hear a shot so I ask Jerry what he shot figuring on an annoying bird or squirrel and he said the cat. Jolene was not at home so I swore everyone to secrecy as she had decided the cat was cute and nice. I did not want her traumatized at that time as she was going through something. I don't remember what.
    That was all quite a few weeks ago and Jolene has been really busy with her paramedic schooling and ride alongs plus sewing for people on the side. And here out of the blue comes the question. I said, "You were supposed to think she died on the road or something." Anyway, she got a kick out of Jerry's, "What cat?" And we were all laughing and she said, "Oh no, anything disappears around here and I know what happened!"

Tightening Of Belts

   Greetings!
   A rather long time has passed since I last posted. Things have changed rather drastically. First, my husband is laid up with a broken ankle. Side note: How do you cheer up a man that is incapacitated? Stacie and I moved him to the main floor living room so he does not have to go stairs as much. But his choices are limited with crutches. He writes, mostly, and watches things now and then.
   Another change is I am off my watching fast since my birthday which was D-day. Yes, I have started watching things again and don't feel good about it. I hate the hold it gets on me. I just realized that God said He gives a way to escape. I think He has been trying to do that and I have not noticed or thought it was just my own thoughts. Sometimes writing about things clarifies issues.
    Chris has been painting and laying tile in his house and informed us that he will probably be moving out in about a month. This came as a bit of a shocker to me. I knew it was coming but wow! this soon?! He will be missed. Makes me rather sad. I am thinking weekly family dinners, etc.
     I got to babysit Connor yesterday. He is starting to coo and was smiling quite a bit. Grand-babies are the best!
     Everything is gorgeously green and beautiful outside. I am not doing much bird watching due to being busy. More jobs than ever. Trying to do some spring cleaning, etc.
     The tightening of belts comes with no construction work and lower publisher's check than usual.
     Stacie graduates next Saturday. Another child done with college. Trips to and from Illinois continue apace. :)
     Jolene is doing well in college and is finishing her first year and plans to continue with classes this summer.
     Here's to getting my head on straight and following God's leading. Blessings to all friends! The preciousness of friendship has really been brought home to me recently.
     Oh yes! A new challenge and getting out of my comfort zone and how! Jerry wants to take to a writer's conference in Philadelphia in August and wants me to go too and be involved and then go up to upstate New York and do research for a book. The writer's conference part is what scares me. Quake!
     

Distaste

   Greetings Fellow Travelers!
   On a tired Monday evening, after two jobs filled mostly with cleaning excessively dirty windows, I am relaxing a bit. Enjoyed the tulips, dogwoods, redbuds and the lilacs along the way. Lacy trees with their beginning leaves and even the yellow pollen dusting things are all a part of the spring beauty. On my last job this afternoon, cooking was going on for Passover. I asked some questions and felt renewed and refreshed with the wonder of God and the great wonders He has done in the past and will do now and in future.
    He has answered prayer upon prayer and cry upon cry. Praise Him! He answered our broken and humble cry that Jerry's tendon not be ruptured. He answered my cry to Him at my last job when I felt a headache and nausea approaching and  cried to Him in my heart that He would lift it. I really wanted to see brother Dale on this Ohio trip and here he and Julian come home early from fishing with a hilarious fishing story. He said almost I did not have a brother. I said, "Why? You can swim." He said, "The water was like thirty degrees." I think my faith in God is growing. I am asking more instead of whining.
     Now for the "distaste". On Saturday evening I was by myself up at Jerry's parents except for Sue and Addison in the basement so I decided to watch something. I watched some Cosby Show episodes but my attention soon waned. Somehow it was almost distasteful. Not the show but just watching something so I stopped. That was very interesting to me. Also very encouraging. I will take all of that, that I can get.
     I am enjoying having Jerry up here even though he is in a cast. It is good for us to serve him. He is always the one serving so this is rather hard on him.
     "How lovely are the feet of them that bring good news."

The Time Draweth Nigh

    Blogging has been neglected of late. Realizing that my fast is almost at an end, I decided to write this morning.  

    Wow! Four days. What then, I wonder. Since no exact plan of action has entered my brain, I don't believe I will hatch one up. One thing I know, is my compulsive side has not died a complete death. Frankly, I was hoping it would, even though I know things don't usually work that way. 

     My opinion of watching things has gone further down hill. I read a book on one of my favorite, fairly clean actresses. Found it very interesting but then towards the end, the complete approval of the homosexual life style came to the fore. Hollywood seems to be shot through with it even years ago. Maybe even more so then. Somehow it sickened me. Why partake of something so tainted? I don't know. By the way, I am not promising to never watch something. I also don't plan to judge people who do. 

     The unhealthiness of mindlessly watching something is also fresh in my mind. I think it is probably one of the least healthy things you can do. But here again, I am not promising never to watch anything. One thing that has been interesting to me is the unrelenting pressure to be doing something. I wonder if that is not part of why we watch things to block it out. What ever happened to just sitting down and staring into space or looking peacefully at your loved ones? I have done this more than once since starting this and it is very restful. What's more, is that you are available when others want to talk or visit. It is way more restful than watching something. After a bit, you feel like getting up and doing something or if tired take a nap or if evening go to bed. 

      Now, an update on family. Jerry injured his foot when he stepped on a ladder without checking it and down it went. He jumped free but there was a trench so he landed on one foot. Twelve feet down. Needless to say, it is swollen and very sore and he hobbles around on one crutch. He has been a bit low about this and discouraged. Poor guy. On the other hand, he had a good idea for a book! His editor likes it and wants to present it to the rest of the publishing group.

      Chris has the siding on his house. It has been scrabbling between rain and mud but he is on the home stretch. It is great to see him energized and happy and even singing at times. Playing the piano in the evening, etc. So glad for this after the bouts of Lymes and then mono. 

      Brandon got us another housecleaning job at a place he has been painting for months. Melissa is busy being a mom to Connor. And Connor is growing nicely and sweet as can be. (I am not prejudiced. :)  

      Jolene is busy with college. She also helps with several cleaning jobs and is sewing for people. Her plate is full. 

      Stacie is finishing her last semester of college. She helps with cleaning jobs and also helps around the house. She is praying for God's leading for this summer. Bradley surprised her last Friday night and made her weekend. 

       Debi is busy working at the bread store and has applied for another part time job. Our house has been taking a beating due to the very busy schedules. I finally straightened up parts of it. She comes home last night and whimpers, "Why is the house clean?" Grin. 

      I am busy with more cleaning jobs than I have ever had and have signed up to sell this healthy coffee. It has been a godsend to me. Getting me off the plateau I was on with my diet and giving more energy. I also realized that my foot has been hurting even less with it. The one kind has something in it that promotes circulation and has helped more than one person with arthritis pain or inflammation. Anyway, very tickled with the energy, especially. I have been trying to learn how to run a business and not obsess about it. Jerry has given me some tips that help.

     Oh! Oh! I forgot. This is big! My parents are maybe, possibly, probably moving down here. I have to pinch myself. I have to take deep breaths and stay calm. I am afraid deep down that it won't come to pass. For now, I will enjoy the thought. Yay!

      

     

Falling Off the Wagon

     Tonight... Jolene and Stacie are cleaning up the kitchen. Jerry is also in the kitchen making his lunch. (He does not allow me to fix his lunch due to former misdemeanors of mine.) I am standing at the end of the counter. Jerry's chocolate truffles gaze up at me. I open the box, viewing them suspiciously. Nobody notices. I pick one up curious as to its insides, I break it in half, hoping for caramel or vanilla or something interesting. Only chocolate. Bummer. Still looks good so I take a bite of the one half. Start chewing...suddenly Jolene notices, shrieks and is after me. I run, grasping the half in one fist and the fourth in the other. She grabs me, both of us laughing and me still chewing for dear life and she admonishing me and trying to wrest the other pieces from my grasp. Stacie is laughing so hard she is on the floor. Jolene gets me out to the wastebasket commanding, "Spit it out!" which I have no intention of doing and pop the other fourth in my mouth which evokes more horror. Somehow the half grasped in the other fist flies out and lands on the floor. Jerry laughing grabs it and throws it into the wastebasket. Somewhere during this time Debi comes up from the basement and looks like she's wondering if we all lost our minds. They call this an intervention. I stick my nose in the air and say I am going to go take a shower. To which, Jolene replies that that is what I should have been doing in the first place.
      The thing they don't know is that I fell off the wagon earlier in the day. I ate three, yes, that's right three not one, not two, but three lemon bars for lunch. I have excuses but I am too tired to name them. Thankfully, the lemon bars are almost gone and hopefully some self-control will reappear. I don't want to give up now so Lord willing and my strength not fail me, I will continue.

Church and Woodcocks

     What a beautiful day! I think I walked four or five miles. I was checking out some birding hot spots and walking the trail. I did not see much but just walking in the sunshine was lovely.
      The brother who had the Sunday School devotions this morning does not like to speak in public and seldom does, but it was very good. First he read first Corinthians twelve. His burden was that our church members don't start nit picking about things that don't matter. That we not make other people in the church carbon copies of each other but that we recognize different gifts and callings. He brought out how he himself grew up with always wearing long sleeves to church and he still does because that is what he feels comfortable with but he is not going to force it on someone else. Really appreciated his burden.
      John preached on the tongue. Very convicting but also inspiring. Lots of scripture to go with it. Did some apologizing on the way home. He brought out how if things come out of our mouth that we wonder where that came from, we need to pause and see what is going on in our heart. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." He also said how we cannot praise God and then run our brother into the ground. This is one that convicted me. Somehow it was also inspiring. The idea of having our hearts so brim full of Jesus that that is what comes out without effort almost.
      Sunday school ministered too. Being citizens of heaven and ambassadors down here. Rhoda read off all that an ambassador does. Very inspiring. I asked if she would send them to me and she said she would. When she does I will try and share them.
      Then tonight Stacie and I met Joy at some cut over land and listened and watched the Woodcocks. This was on my list of things to do this spring and now I have experienced it. Woodcocks are birds, by the way. They do their courting at dusk, when it is almost dark. Thankfully, it was still light enough for us to see.
       I think this coffee and tea is increasing my energy because I seem to have more stamina and awakeness by far than I did before. I am definitely shrinking because I fit into clothes I haven't in a good while. Yay! I have lost twenty-seven pounds so far. Grin.
     

Tea and Coffee

    I have been stalled in the weight loss department. Still on the diet but not getting anywhere fast. I started praying for help in some way to get it accomplished. By the way, I decided that a person my age can pretty much exist on nothing. Anyway, I got an invitation to a tea and coffee party and was not sure if I wanted to go, so I googled it and decided I would. I think I might have the answer.
    A healthier version of coffee and tea with herbs, etc. and it helps lose weight and is also good for your mind and gives you energy but not the terrific let down that caffeine does. Anyway, I am excited about it and hopeful. I have to have more faith in prayer and watch for answers when I do pray.
   

An Ode To Watersavers

     Everything is now made to save water. Faucets, dishwashers, toilets and washers. This is not a positive ode. It is an annoyed ode. Living with watersavers is a study in stupidity. Take the dishwasher, if you have to rinse each dish and practically wash them, explain to me how this saves water. When the guy installed the dishwasher he warned me that it is a lot quieter and a watersaver, hence more or less useless. I need Tim The Tool Man Taylor. 

     Oh, and the faucets. Start filling a bucket, prepare to clean up the kitchen while it fills and you will get most of it done. Problems may occur if you have a short attention span and go do something else while the sink is filling. Getting distracted can result in overflowing and more work.

     Toilets may decide to just skip the actual flushing unless you hold the handle down. And this saves water how? 

     Now for the ultimate pet peeve: watersaver washers. My old washer gave out so we got a front loader watersaver. It is not a laughing matter. How do you expect to wash dirty clothes without water and plenty of it? Just how?! My observations are that all this tumbling wears out clothes faster, (How is this economical?) there is no soak for extra dirty clothes, (How can you soak something without water?) clothes do not get as clean even though it washes and tumbles for a long time, (This is the greatest annoyance!) (I started putting in extra laundry detergent on the clothes. NOT economical!) Maybe some people who work in offices and don't do manual labor can use these washers with impunity, but this family gets dirty and needs something that actually cleans.

Just to sum it up, wears out clothes, does not get them clean and is not economical as far as soap is concerned but by all means save water!

     There. I have vented. I would really appreciate it if the government got out of our lives with all their rules and regulations. Don't they have anything better to do?! Sorry, I still had several sentences of venting.

     I will now count my blessings to get in a better frame of mind. I am thankful that I saw a Fox Sparrow at my feeders today. A first. I am thankful for the snow. Also thankful that it was not too bad so that Stacie can return tomorrow. I am thankful for a new orange cake mix and frosting that Chris likes. Also thankful for banana bread to feed my family. Thankful for a whole day at home. Thankful that the electricity stayed on and that the laundry is done. Thank-you Jolene. Thankful for a funny morning with Debi and Jolene. Thankful for Chris playing the piano. Thankful that the renters did not move into the house that still has no water. Thankful that I can be in a house that is relatively warm tonight. Sixty-five is better than ten degrees. God is good even when the frustrations of an overbearing government get heavy. The greatness and awesomeness of God has been freshly impressed on me recently and that we make Him too common. Lord, help us to be reverent and to believe You and take You at Your word.

      

I Reckon

    I get the feeling that my posts are becoming farther and farther apart. Very sleepy but guess the time has come for another one.
    Yes, I am still on my watching fast. My birthday is not here yet but approacheth fast. A tinsy bit over a month. Feel a bit bewildered as to what will happen after it is over. Jerry encouraged me. He said, "You are doing what God wants you to do right now. When the fast is over, you look for what God wants you to do then." or something to that effect. It is scary. I would feel safer with a hedge of rules.
    The diet is still on, though I have cheated a few times. I am finding it very difficult. I am not very imaginative when it comes to food. Plus taking the time to actually cook extra stuff for myself is tedious so I don't. The food gets gruesomely boring. Bleh! I noticed something yesterday though, that was interesting. I really wanted to cheat but made myself a salad. After eating it, I felt good and no temptation. Trying to learn from this.
     Now for thanks.
     I am thankful for Connor Flynn our grandbaby. So precious and tiny. Thankful for his parents Brandon and Melissa and seeing their love for him.
     I am thankful for a healing God, who heals past hurts and physical ailments as well. Thankful for Jesus blood that was shed on the cross, that cleanseth from sin and washes us white as snow. Thankful that it also washes us from the sins of others. Thankful for His gentle Holy Spirit that leads and guides and that gives us
power over all the power of the enemy.
     Thankful for Mom and Dad and Mom's testimony of answered prayer. How instead of being irritated with each other they are blessing each other. How when you really want what is right and pray, God does answer, no matter how old. It is never too late.
     I am thankful for hardworking men. Jerry and Chris have the shingles on Chris's house. Rather exciting! I wouldn't mind if Jerry slowed down a bit though.
     I am thankful that spring is on the way. I will appreciate spring more this year. But I am kinda looking forward to the wintery mix we are supposed to get tomorrow. Don't kill me. :)
   
   
   

New Life and Illness

    I am in love. Our little grandchild stole my heart tonight. He was born this afternoon and his name is Connor Flynn. He is so precious and dear. I wanted to protect him from the harshness of life. How do babies make it through all the testings, pokings and proddings they go through right after they are born? You would think they would get a complex.
    New life... then there is illness and death. When we got the news of our grandson being born, we were visiting friends. The lady is very ill and faces things I cannot imagine facing. Pain and early death. The pain is excruciating to the point that she has to go in every three months to get the pain blocked. She was so happy to hear of our grandchild. Their grandchild was born in December. She said it was God. It gave her a new lease on life. She has been ill for years but is a lot worse now. Anyway she always wanted to have a grandchild before she died. God answered her prayer. She also said that she has learned that when you give something to God, leave it there.
    Tonight when we were at the hospital Connor's other grandpa said to Jerry that having grandkids makes you realize that it is time for the younger generation to take over. To Jerry this was like a prophecy.
     What a lovely day! There was sorrow and there was joy and love. Love for old friends and love for a new member of our family.

Desperation

     With failure looming before me, looking inevitable, I thought of the verse that says He makes a way of escape. So in my heart crying out to God with my whole being, I said to Him, "You said You make a way of escape. You promised!" I just clung to it and insisted that this is what He promised, knowing all the time that otherwise there would be another failure, another flop and more defeat. Knowing also that of myself, it was not going to happen. The temptation was too strong. 

     The consequences of failure were too hideous, too horrible. Desperation gripped me. He heard. Sometime as I was cleaning yesterday afternoon, it lifted. New strength and wholeness was given. The tempter had to leave. Only Jesus. Only Jesus can grant this type of miracle.

     Trying to actively practice thankfulness and banishing any condemning or critical thoughts is occupying my thought life. Lots of practice still needed.

      Maybe I will explain a bit what I was being tempted with. Playing games on the computer was getting a hold of me again. I had started playing them while eating salad in order to get it down. But the big thing that I could feel slipping was my diet. Very frightening knowing what will be in my future if I don't get this weight off and keep doing the exercises. A very painful foot and surgery. Also I really want to get away from the compulsive behavior that has dominated my life. Freedom to live as I ought is what I want and have through Jesus.

      I am thankful for Jesus. Thankful that we have promises we can cling to and insist on. Thankful for supper at Ruby Tuesdays. (They have things I can eat.) Thankful that the girls could go skating with the youth group tonight. Thankful that Chris is getting a big meal at Texas De Brazil. (He has been working hard on his house and has been somewhat stressed.) Thankful that Brandon is there too. (They have had some stress lately.) Thankful that Johns and Christophers got to go to Honduras and that they found the coffee that Jerry and Stacie like. Thankful for renters for the two houses Jerry built. Very thankful. Thankful for life everlasting. May I live so as to be able to enjoy heaven and its wonders. 

Judging

    "Judge not that ye be not judged." That is the verse for me right now. Judgment descended on my head due to being too harsh and judgmental with one of my children. "The battle is lost in the spiritual before it is lost in the physical." This was said to me by my husband. I lost the battle there and other things followed like dominoes.
     Compassion and kindness in all situations are to be practiced by me hereafter. Even in my thoughts. Well, there can be wishful thinking, right?
     I am still on my watching fast and on my diet. I ate some tortilla chips this afternoon which were not on my diet. Confession time. And I did not do my exercises this morning.
     Lord, help me be more merciful and compassionate. Help me to guard my tongue and my attitude. Let my heart be soft and not full of rocks (offences). Help me do my duty and what lies before me without shirking. Oh Lord, let my face be ever towards you and your will.
P.S. If you could show how to keep the flies out of our house, I would be grateful.

Days of Temptation

    Why is temptation so much stronger at some times than others? Where does the onslaught come from? Have we allowed something in our house that is not pleasing to God?
     "Let God arise and His enemies be scattered!"
     I see more and more why Amy Carmichael did not allow anything tainted into her children's home, not even fairy stories. She would not accept any tainted money either. The demonic forces were so strong at times that they had to stand watch or these children they had rescued from the temples would get out of bed and start out for the temples. How strong is the pull of the old life in me? Way too strong. I had hoped this watching fast would deal my compulsive nature a death blow, only to find it alive and well.
     The end draws near. The urge to watch things is rearing its ugly head. What now?

Fasting and Dieting

    The urge to watch things has been stronger lately. I can almost taste it. I don't like the strength of it, especially with just, barely two months left. The harder winter doesn't help any. If it were warmer the urge to spring clean would hit.
    We have been keeping the house at sixty-four degrees. A letter came from our gas provider that said the price of gas will go up and it might not always be available when needed. Both our fireplaces are gas and the main floor is heated by a gas furnace. Sooo...coldness. We learn to dress in layers and people walk around in coats at times.
    Dieting continues apace. Salads got tiresome so beans, brown rice and cabbage have been a mainstay along with half an avocado mashed with onions, garlic and cumin. I actually rather like this. I will return to salads soon.
    Tonight stress and tension are knocking on the door. Not sure why.
    Another cleaning job is here. A rather dirty house that I will be doing Monday afternoons. My jobs all seem to come by word of mouth or at least mostly. I was not sure I wanted more but decided to keep going with it as things are a bit tight what with no construction jobs coming in. Jerry prices things but that is about as far as it goes. And I need to keep busy is another reason.
    My foot is doing pretty good. I usually wear my brace in the morning then take it off in the afternoon. It is holding up better than it has in a long time. The sports therapist gave me exercises to do that I do every day. He only had me come for three visits so the expense was minimal. Stacie and I went on a walk today. No brace and it went very well. Very pleased. Am really looking forward to being out of the brace.
    Lord, let the water that comes out of me be pure not muddy and tainted. Let the well from which I speak be pure. Only You can accomplish this, in this sin cursed world. Remind me to deny myself, take up my cross and follow you. Somehow Lord, make me a light. The darkness is getting worse. Witchcraft, heathenism, and wickedness is touted and admired. Give us voices crying out against evil without fear or favor. Touch me as only You can. In Jesus' Name.
   

Symphony

    Our date was interesting. The Richmond Symphony was at Longwood University. The tickets were free. Can't beat that. They began to play. Pretty soon my husband says, "Something is wrong." Except he said it in German. The conductor was an Asian lady. Very dramatic. The piano player was also Asian and very good. The problem was no heart. The last two pieces were conducted by a different lady and the difference was amazing. Jerry just shook his head and loved it. He picks up on these things a lot quicker than I do. I will not say all that he said lest I offend but it was interesting.
    It is interesting how you can be technically correct on every note and be incredibly good with lots of show but it does not do very much for you. Then someone comes up and is not too concerned about show but is connecting with the musicians. They relax and the music has some soul. :)
   Self and show is rather an ugly thing. Being real and connected with your fellow man is beautiful.
   On another note, I was reading a book on heart disease today. Very interesting. They have found that clogged arteries can be reversed in some people by eating right, exercise and this is the interesting part, confessing your faults and being really honest about things you feel insecure about and loving people. They called it opening your heart.
    There was a testimony of a man that was helped. He was a very hard man and always ready to take offense and get into fights. Anyway, he went into this program and started sharing with the people around him and showing love for people he used to hate and despise. He got off his medications and is a well man and his marriage greatly improved.
    What this researcher had seen was that eating right and exercising often did not do the trick so he went deeper. He saw that if you are not healed emotionally the other things don't help to its full potential. What is amazing is these are Christian principles. Confessing our faults, being honest and loving each other. The hardened man was afraid if he was honest with his wife and others, they would not like him for sure, but found the exact opposite to be true.
     May we be transparent, honest and loving.
   

Winter

    I think my blood has slowed down to a crawl. It is not used to cold any more. I had forgotten what winter is like. I am still trying to figure out whether I like it as much as I thought I did.
    We don't have much of the white stuff but cold we have. Frankly, I prefer snow when it is cold anyway. I think I do, that is. What is not so cheerful, is the cost of heating a not too tight house and Chris's house building being stalled.
    Today I could feel the heat of the sun. This is something I had never experienced in Ohio. It is lovely at times like this. I decided I still like Virginia best. I don't envy the Northerners who don't get a reprieve from the cold.
    The diet is still going but am feeling very deprived. Maybe I should just quit eating until I reach my target weight. Just drink my kefir, Reliv, and maybe take my energy green drink. It would simplify things.
     I need more sleep seemingly which I find annoying. I am getting up early and doing my exercises before going to work so maybe that is part of it. I wanted to start walking every week day this week but then the cold intimidated me.
     The foot is not out of the woods yet but there is some improvement. I am trying to be very faithful with the exercises that I was given to do. I am working two jobs on some days and it seems to be holding up pretty good.
     The watching fast is still going but somehow I don't feel very victorious. I guess I am in the doldrums. Discouragement that the weight does not disappear faster haunts me. I know it has not been that long but still feel blue.
      Thankfulness time. Let me see what am I thankful for? Well..warm clothes come to mind. For three Applebee's gift cards that the girls are using tonight. For a husband to hug. For a twitter pated daughter to work with on both jobs today. That the guy we worked for yesterday gave us ninety dollars instead of eighty. That we have a symphony to go listen to tomorrow night. That tomorrow is Friday. Oh yes, for candles. I like them. They make me feel warmer. For people who buy books. :) For vehicles that do well in snow. I am tired now. Good-night.

Two More Months

    Two more months to go with the watching fast. Soon it will be over. Have I decided how to procede from there? Not quite. I know I don't want to go back to watching some of the things that I used to. A lot of it has gotten really distasteful. My downfall is comedy. Well done comedy. I want a plan but am also hoping for some burden or work that will occupy my mind.
    The diet is bringing benefits. I feel like I am fasting. I guess in a way I am. Twenty-two pounds have been lost. I feel good. No headaches. More sleep is needed. I guess burning fat is hard work. I have been emotional, depressed and grouchy. Usually at different times. Thankfully, not all the time. I am exercising too but don't think my energy level is what it should be. To be expected when you are going hungry. I need to start thinking what I want to do when I go on a more lenient diet. Definitely more meat.
     Why do people have animals who have neither the money nor the time to take care of them? This is a pet peeve, an aggravation and when they are in our field, exceedingly annoying. The agreement was that she takes care of them all the way. Does she? Oh no. Several weeks ago we threatened to call animal control. She came out immediately and also finally paid but now it is the same thing. Why have horses if you don't want to take care of them?!
      Burning candles are all over the place. The fireplace is burning. It is peaceful. Jerry is on the computer while sitting in the recliner. Stacie is reading her literature. The rest of the family has gone skiing with the youth. (Lord, please protect them.) My tea is waiting for me. Yes, I can have tea as long as it is not black tea. I drink herbal teas.
       I am thankful: for the joy brought to Stacie by a package from Bradley.
                            for the excited happiness going skiing brought to Jolene.
                            for Christoper's that Christopher's poured walls are finally done.
                            for the grandbaby that is coming.
                            that Debi got to go snowboarding and that a friend who also likes it went along.
                            that I now and then can have a baked sweet potato.
                            for the sermon last Sunday.
                            for the patience of God. Amen.  

Winds of Adversity

    A Jonah day is here and not quite over yet. "When you have done all that you can, stand!" A good verse for me right now. When the pounds don't roll off as fast as you'd like them to, stand! When the job you are getting paid for five hours takes six hours, stand! When you start walking for exercise and your knee is hurting, stand! When the therapist won't take you in for it but says you have to go to a doctor first and get ex-rays, stand! When the vacuum cleaner guy is supposed to show up and doesn't, stand! When the baby afghan you have been crocheting is turning into a hexagon instead of a rectangle. And you spend time taking out row after row, trying to figure out what you did wrong, stand! When someone is having nightmares again, stand! When you are trying to treat someone like an adult and fail miserably, stand! When you feel like this world is a dry and dusty place, stand!
    The knee thing is probably the worst discouraging thing to me. Here I am working on my foot as much as possible and my knee which had been giving me a little trouble starts giving me more trouble. Maybe God is trying to work character in me. I know I need it. Submitting to discipline has never been my strong suit. May I learn so that I might not have to trod this road again.

Long Doth It Look

     The road looks very long tonight. The road to a thinner me. I think I will count the the things that give me pleasure, see how many there actually are. They seem rather slim right now. Birding, of course. I enjoy it immensely. That's one. Candles, I enjoy burning them in the evening. Did you know they warm up the house? Thinking..thinking..Crocheting, I am crocheting a baby afghan for our upcoming grandchild. :) Our kids, they were hilarious tonight! Brandon was here and the interaction between him and the girls was very entertaining. Stacie came close to Chris and he said, "Get away from me! Your electrons are getting on me!" That might not be the right word but something to that effect. Her being in love makes her more lovey dovey than our family is used to being, so funny things occur. She was also asking Brandon rather personal questions about their courtship which had its funny moments. Then Jolene's oneliners were failing and yet hilarious and had her brother in stitches. Did I mention that I am very thankful for our children? After they left, I thanked Jerry for giving me nice children. He looked like he thought I had lost a marble. Chuckle. My husband, his love, his example, the twinkle in his eye when he is amused. The girls want Papa to come home when I am grouchy. They know that is usually all it takes. Friends and church friends in particular, it is lovely to have women you can share with, laugh with, and pray with. Lovely to have ladies around whom you feel comfortable and at home.
      So long friends, may we be grateful for our many blessings.

Fasting Update

    Three more months to go. The fasting continues. Some more results or fruits if you will, that have come from this fast: Actually, I realized that I had first quit playing the online game that I was pretty much addicted to. Then came this one of not watching anything. Now I am on a rather severe diet. But they are not all minuses. There are plusses. One of them is more of a desire to spend time in prayer. Another is feeling more attuned to God and wanting to hear from Him. Lately, there is a yearning for Him that I have not felt in a long time. Thank-you Jesus.

             I am getting some direction on what I want to do once the fast is over. Very glad for this.            Also got some direction on my diet. Three months of severe diet and then go to something
         not quite so severe. I am losing pounds which is helping in the motivational department. Next          week I would like to incorporate some aerobic exercise preferably fast walking. For me it
         won't have to be very fast for me to get my heart rate up. I am already doing other exercises.
       
             The desire of my heart: I want to love Him more.
           

            

Dieting Not For The Fainthearted

    Six days are now under my belt and hopefully the belt is shrinking. Watching Jerry devour one of Stacie's lemon bars tonight was almost too much. I love lemon bars, at least the ones we make. My candles are being extinguished. I got this from a book by Isobel Kuhn called By Searching. First it was games on the internet especially Settlers Cities and Knights, then movies and such, now food that is not good for me. In this book, she would feel God calling her to give up so called harmless pursuits. One time when she had a big temptation but in the knick of time stood firm she went up to her room asking God if it would always be like this. That night in her small room, God met her wonderfully and blessed her profoundly. This made a big impression on me when I read it about a year ago. It was not sin she was letting go of, it was things we would call harmless fun and it was years and years ago so it was even more harmless then what we would think of nowadays. May I be willing to let go of harmless fun for more of God.
    When I was walking Wilck's Lake Trail on the second of January, I think it was, something happened that made a deep impression on me. For once there were no other people on the trail and on the way back at one point it was like the Lord came and ministered to me. I am not sure how to explain it but it meant so much to me and was so fulfilling I wondered why we concentrate on anything else. (I was birding.) My heart cries out to live like this. In His presence is fullness of joy.

New Year, New Challenges

    Well, day two of the diet is almost at a close. A monumental headache is pretty much past. Due to the gruesome feeling, pounds have already taken flight. I am on an anti-inflammatory diet in hopes that it will cut down on the inflammation in my foot and of course, also to lose weight. The mourning for food and coffee has diminished and the actual dieting has commenced. I would like to stay on it for a year but am not sure how it will work out. Coffee was not on this diet and since it stimulates the appetite and is not that great for inflammation, I will try to stay off it. Sob..:)
    My second appointment with the therapist was this afternoon. He was very pleased with how well his last treatment held up. Again, he worked on it for an hour. I can not say how thankful I am for this. It is such an answer to prayer. He seems quite sure that he can get me out of this brace.
     I started my yearly bird list. Joy said she does it every year so I want to follow suit. See how many birds I can see in a year.
     My wish for this year, is to see more bondages broken, more healing take place and lots of growing in Jesus.