Do I Have Anything To Say?

     There will be no stress in heaven. No tiredness. No dejection. No wondering if it's worth it? No wondering what illness will hit next. No tension that you could cut with a knife. No boredom unless we have been filling our minds with so much entertainment that the bread of life no longer satisfies and then I wonder if we will make it in or if we will have to be reprogrammed. What will sports watchers do in heaven? What will TV watchers do? I am just asking and wondering. What will music listeners do when they hear the beautiful music of heaven? Will they be able to enjoy it? I wonder.
      Am I laying up treasures in heaven? Am I doing down here that which will transfer easily to the heavenly realm? Am I loving those nearest to me? Do I live in thankfulness; grateful for each gift however small? Does my faith live and breathe, can it be seen? Am I overcoming? Do I overcome the temptation to be jealous? Do I overcome the depression that wants to knock on my door? Do I overcome the temptation to be lazy? Am I overcoming the evil that comes my way?
      I am reminded again of what has been blessing me lately. Our spirit cannot live without life from above. It must have life. I have been just lifting my heart to God whenever I think of it. There is faith involved in this, believing that God is there waiting to give as I lift my heart to Him. I do not demand anything just what ever He deems good. Knowing that what ever He gives me of His life is more than enough. This takes practice. I just realized again right now how often I forget. I want to come to the place where it will be just second nature to lift my heart to Him every few minutes. To walk with Him...in His presence. Could there be a more blessed place?

    Many things run through my mind. Not sure what to share and what not to. Feel like I have been through the wringer. The pressures of life that purify the soul, hopefully.
    The fast continues. Another fruit of this fast is that my song came back. I started waking with a song on my heart. I gave a testimony to this in church which I knew was dangerous. And sure enough the song is struggling. It is still the truth and I am clinging to it. I seldom give testimony but when God gives the words I endeavor obedience.
    The bird watching class is going well. I rather marveled today at all I had learned so far. We had our first test and it went well for most of us. I made a stupid mistake which galls me but humiliation is good for the soul. I was trying to remember all the eastern and northerns in some of the birds' names and for some reason when it came to the blue jay my brain let me down. I could not remember if there was an eastern in front of it or not, so I put it on. Bleh!
    The girls and I have eight house cleaning jobs now. All except two are every other week. I go to each one and one of the girls helps me with most of them. I have been wondering what is too busy? I am grateful for the work and that I get to work with the girls. I don't think we are over doing it yet and things have slowed down a bit now so we are getting a chance to breathe.
    Another fruit I just thought of is not being so much of a procrastinator. I find myself doing things a lot more promptly.
    Now for pain. Pain and sorrow. Today I felt a sorrow down to my bones that I did not know the exact cause or reason for. I wonder why. What do I do with it? Do I automatically assume that something is wrong or do I try to make it go away? I can not block it with movies or shows nor do I want to. If this sorrow is from God then let me bear it with grace and patience. If this sorrow is because something is wrong or out of place in my life let my eyes be opened. Somehow help me to walk in your ways as I am surrounded by people.
    

Half Way

    I realized tonight that I am over half way through this year of fasting. I still view it as a good thing and very beneficial. I went onto Netflix one day to help one of the children with something and was utterly repulsed by it. The reaction was very strong. It showed me how hardened we get. If we are not exposed to stuff like that and are living godly, there is a very natural abhorrence to it.
    I am still meditating on what I want to do when the year is up. I would like the path to be clear.
    The thing of wanting to block out thoughts by watching something is not really too bad. That is in my opinion one of the biggest temptations to watch things is not wanting to think. Maybe there are discouraging thoughts knocking at the door or maybe things that want to trouble you or fears. Frankly, I think it is a trick and an excuse. There are times when I would not mind blocking out things, especially discouragement, but not watching something is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. There are so many other things to do, if nothing else, talk or better yet listen to my family.
   
   

What A Day!

    The oppression was rather intense today. I got the distinct impression we were under attack. I am not sure if this is theologically correct as the devil is a roaring lion at all times. Either that or a defense was removed or breached. Either way Jerry and I annnointed and prayed over the whole house tonight, pleading the blood of Jesus and rebuking the evil one.
     A few more gray hairs were added to my head today. First a really rough morning at work both physically, mentally and spiritually. Then I was at home for a while and I hear a knocking. I come out and it is our neighbor saying something about his son sending him for Jerry and something about a girl. I finally realize he is saying there was a wreck and I realize all those sirens I had been hearing was from that. Jerry is not home so I say I will come right away and am thinking of Debi. I drive down to it (it is very close). Immediately realize it is not her car and am trying to figure out if the upside down car is Jolene's. Then I recognize it and I just fall apart right there. The car is a mess and in a field. The officers and our neighbor realize it is my daughter and our neighbor feels so bad. His son helps me down to Jolene who is strapped to a stretcher. She is fully awake and is trying to reassure me. She is taken to the hospital and has a cat scan and exrays. She is OK and we brought her home. Several people mentioned how lucky she was. No, not luck. It was the mercy and goodness of God.
     Temptations, sickness, dizziness, accidents (Jerry fell from a ladder), depression. Lord help us to be good soldiers in your army. Never giving an opening for the enemy, weathering attacks, not giving in, learning from our mistakes and being thankful for each blessing, each mercy bestowed on us. Help us to pray without ceasing, ever alert, ever watchful.
     I am thankful for the beautiful, magnificent sunset. Debi said it was like a promise. I am thankful for an alive and uninjured daughter. For good neighbors with compassionate hearts. I am thankful for the mercy and goodness of God.

Blessed Verses Happy

     Am I blessed? Yes. After tonight's sermon especially blessed. We miss ninety percent of God because we are not looking was one of his quotes. I believe this. He also said that people say blessed means happy, not so sure of this. It means more than being happy. One thing I thought of was a sense of well being or being taken care of. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God." was his text. We purify our soul through obeying the truth and unfeigned love of the brethren. These are some of the thoughts that stood out to me. 

     To be aware of God in every situation believing that goodness and mercy will follow us through it all. I got tested on this immediately. I drove home from church because Jerry was in a hurry and knew I would drive faster. Jolene, Stacie and Debi in the back, all is quiet, Jerry seemingly sleeping. I get into the 45 mph zone and a car turns off in front of me and I speed up. Blue lights start flashing from what I think is the same car that turned off. I groan and start slowing down as he comes up behind me. I pull over and stop. My heart pounds and sinks simultaneously. The girls, (Jolene and Stacie) get excited as they put on seat belts. Jerry pulls out the registration and I realize I do NOT have my license! The officer comes to the window announcing what I had been doing, not too happy about the accelaration. My words are few, I make no excuses. He comes back after going back to check out my record and gives me a warning and tells me to slow down. During this time, I am thinking of the sermon and can hardly believe it when he only gives me a warning. I barely have the fortitude to say thank-you and slowly go on my way. Jerry, after a bit, says, "That's why you (Jolene and I) speed because you get miracles." Jolene says, "Not always." Anyway, mercy followed me and I am thankful. 

      The sermon also encouraged me to do my work as unto the Lord and to see God even on the job where things get tedious and boring. We can see God even in very hard things if we look for it. May I see God even in the irritating hardships of life.