Day Two of Week Four

1. For living a more engaged life.
2. For the ability to think more clearly.
3. For overcoming power.
4. For perseverance to finish things.
5. For funny children.
6. For paintings.
7. For a clean house (it isn't yet).
8. For parents that are coming this weekend.
9. For siblings that are coming this weekend.
10. For good well water.

    Thankful for all of these and for this life of fasting. It seems when you subtract something unhealthy and consciously try to replace it with healthy things you reap good fruit. Today I found myself singing and no, not with a cd. This I like and it encourages me. I will press on.

Day One of Week Four

     Maybe I should give an update about the fast. So far so good. I think it was a good thing to start now. We are busy and with it being spring, etc. it is hardly a struggle to not watch anything. I figure when things slow down it will be worse.
     As to results, I am working on areas in my life that have been neglected. I seem to be accomplishing more work wise. Instead of ignoring painful issues I am trying to face and deal with things as needed.
     With fasting from watching things has come the temptation to substitute something else like reading. I have done too much reading at some points. There seems to be this wanting to escape or go into a none thinking mode. Like you can not completely relax unless doing something that is an escape. I am having a hard time explaining this but the way I have been working on it is during lunch time instead of reading something while eating, I just eat, in other words I stay conscious. Why this temptation to go into a subconscious or non-thinking escape? I am not sure but I do not like it.

Last Day of Week Three

     Ten things I like about my husband:

1. His willingness to learn.
2. His concept of God.
3. His tallness.
4. His faith.
5. His work ethic.
6. His generosity.
7. His wisdom.
8. His strength both physical and otherwise.
9. He does not procrastinate.
10. How he lives his Christianity in our home.

This is a tribute to my husband. I consider him the best thing God gave me after Jesus. I have learned more about walking the Christian life from him than anyone else. Often I know he has the answer to a problem or situation before he does. The reason I have that confidence is because of his life and how he lives. I am devoutly thankful for him. May I somehow be a blessing to him, please God.

Day Whatever

1. For all the different greens of spring.
2. For yellow butterflies on hot pink hydrangea bushes.
3. For beautiful melodies of songbirds.
4. For kittens (in moderation).
5. For a daughter returned from out of state.
6. For grace given on a day when I was very tired.
7. For Jerry speaking into my life this morning and giving me verses for an area of struggle. While reading some of the verses to me tears ran down both our faces. For times such as these I thank you, Lord.
8. For access to the throne of grace.
9. For this blessed assurance, that I am forgiven.
10. For messages that are honest and make us laugh with the humor of our humanness.

For these I am thankful. Also for fellowship and meeting old friends. The love that Christians have for each other or should have for each other is more precious than about anything. We are to love each other for real. If we don't, we don't love the Father either. Sometimes I wonder about all this animal loving that goes on and wonder....We were never told to love animals. God is going to want to know whether we loved our neighbor, the ones nearest us. Loving our pets is not going to hold any water. Amen.

When Jesus Reaches Me

      Tonight through a song, it was really brought home to me how much Jesus knows our sorrows. It so touched me. He knows our despair. He knows about that area in your life that looks so impossible.
      And through the sermon tonight, how He sees our wrong doing and forgives even while we are yet trying to cover up and in bondage because of it. He sees and forgives and is waiting for us to be honest because He wants us to be free.
      Help me to be truely real and honest.

Failure

     Failure can bring sweetness or bitterness. It can bring humility and brokenness or resentment and brittleness. Tonight I saw the brokenness and humility it can bring in a man.
     Can I learn from my failures and keep getting up, not forsaking my faith in Jesus? Do I love Him more because of them, (thinking of Peter)? Do I accept the forgiveness He offers and let it break and humble me?
     My heart is full tonight. How precious is our Lord. May I love Him more.

Hard Things

     When hard things come up what do you do? Avoiding them is what I like to do. Facing them is more productive and less pleasing to the flesh. How much should you say? What should you say if you do say something?
     Another lovely day in which to do our tasks. A lawn mowed and raked due to energetic Stacie and Debbie. Shopping done, at least for now. Ordered by Jolene to leave the sewing of her dress until she gets home which is Friday. Yay!
     Back to facing hard things, how do you face them without being afraid you are going to mess it up further? I see very clearly that I need to seek God's face in this and trust Him for guidance and wisdom. What would we do without prayer?
   

Day Two of Week Three

     I am trying to keep my eyes open long enough to write this. Still working on the happiness thing. Felt complainingness knocking at my door. Caught it and did not plague anyone else with it. At least not at that moment. :)
     With being so busy right now, I am not having time to read and pray very much. Feel hungry for it.
     I am thankful tonight but due to tiredness will refrain from a list.
     Oh, as to watching something, tonight was a small test when Debbie, Chris and Stacie were watching something. It was animated or pixar or something like that so it was not very tempting. I just like the sociable feeling of it. Anyway, I refrained.

First Day of Week Three

    For two cents I would not have written this tonight. Too tired. Thanks to the tea I drank, too late for my own good, I am still up.
    God is good. God is love. All things work together for good to them that love Him. He is Lord. He is the Creator. All is in His hands. We can fully trust Him with everything.

1. For sisters.
2. For nieces.
3. For windows to wash.
4. For cupboards to clean.
5. For vehicles to drive.
6. For energy.
7. For lacy, green trees.
8. For cake mixes.
9. For tulips.
10. For music.

     Lord, with thanksgiving for your grace and mercy. For the lovely healing you bring into lives who surrender all, saying not my will but Thine. That we may call you Father. That You allow us to approach your throne. That You want us. For all these I thank You tonight.

Taking Back Areas of Your Life

     This title comes from part of brother-in-law John's sermon today. His message was on baptism but I think this part came from some of the testimonies from the congregation. One of them especially on the fact that we do not have to leave in defeat. Anyway, that thing of taking back ground that the enemy has camped on resonated with me. With what I have undertaken in not watching anything, it feels that way exactly. I am trying to regain ground that I used to have and lost.
     It has been some years ago when I was going through very deep waters, fear actually, overwhelming irrational fear, that I eventually snapped and this is what I turned to in order to get relief and escape. I did try for what seemed like a long time to get victory and did everything I could think to do and still it hounded me. Finally, one day it was like something snapped inside me and I quit trying.
     Now, after much healing and grace from the Lord, I want to take back this ground. It may at that time have kept me from having a complete nervous breakdown but now it does nothing but rob me of time and lasting treasures.

1. For baptism.
2. For Debbie and Doug who were baptized today.
3. For love among brethren.
4. For Mark and Betsy and the effort they put in to be here today for Debbie.
5. For popcorn.
6. For washers and dryers.
7. For Jolene who is coming home Friday. LW.
8. For good discussions in the vehicle on the way home from church.
9. For hen parties, one of which is tomorrow. :)
10. For Jesus, only He can make a difference.

     Do I believe in Christ's power to make a difference. Yes, oh yes. Help me to walk in it, oh Lord.

A Day of Loveliness

     A day of perfect weather most of which I spent outside. I put a border around a flower bed, went biking on the trail with Stacie, sprayed my roses, trimmed some trees and bushes, etc.

1. For a husband who can fix bikes.
2. For a husband who is willing to cart me to one end of the trail and pick me up at another area.
3. For Stacie who is willing to bike with me.
4. For cool, crisp, clear weather.
5. For Brandon who makes every effort to get his dead possum out from under the front deck and accomplishes it.
6. For pillows on which to lay a weary head.
7. For sunshine.
8. For naps.
9. For the inspirations the Lord gives.
10. For the leading and guidance of the Lord.

     I am still working on the happiness thing. Today was easy, with outside work to do and lovely weather. I caught myself at one point thinking or saying something negative. I comfort myself with the fact that I did catch it. A cheerful, happy person, yes, I will aim for that.
     Trivia: I did not know that I would so often want to end my sentences with a preposition.
     Trivia no. 2: Half of this post was lost. I stayed here and rewrote it. A bit of a victory for this unpersevering person.

Happiness

      Being happy, is it possible to practice happiness? Do I want to be happy or do I enjoy being complaining and miserable? I am looking into this. Today I caught myself starting with the negative. I decided not to be and was to some degree happy instead.

1. For family and all the recent extensions.
2. For grills.
3. For rain.
4. The breezy, coolness of tonight.
5. Flowering Dogwoods.
6. Weddings.
7. Sleep.
8. For an inflamed tendon in my foot.
9. Cookbooks.
10. Conversation and laughter.

     These are things I am thankful for. I put a hard one in there. It says to be thankful for everything so there you go. Anyway, maybe it is to do a good work in me.
     Today was hard. Not about watching something but because I was getting ready for company and my foot hurt badly. I thought the repaired brace and new shoes would make more of a difference so the disappointment has to be faced.
     Lord Jesus, help me to love you more. Help me learn what I need to learn. Help me to walk in you ways and with you. Amen.

Thankfulness

     I am thankful for:

1. the beauty of a Virginia spring.
2. money to shop with.
3. books to read.
4. fans.
5. recipes.
6. the bluebird building her nest in the bird house.
7. Brandon scaring me out of my wits shooting at a possum at 9:45 p.m.
8. the possibility of construction work for my husband.
9. grass to mow.
10. Stacie's good day at college.

     Another day is done. My prayer tonight is that I might become a more restful, happy, uncomplaining person and that I could come to the end of my day, not feeling frustrated but content. Miracles do happen.

Day Three of Week Two

     I did not watch anything today. I exercised. That is about all I can say for today.
     Reading missionary books, has rather opened my eyes about prayer. How often do I pray for direction and expect an answer? In fact how often do I actually pray for direction? I do for some things but often not for things that are troubling me in my own life.
     Jerry suggested to me tonight that I be thankful that I am not watching anything and that I just practice being thankful for most of the day. I wonder if this Israelite is capable of it.

1. I am thankful for Jerry and his guidance.
2. I am thankful that I could be a help to Stacie today in suggesting a topic for a paper.
3. I am thankful for Chris and the job he has even though it causes him untold annoyance.
4. I am thankful for Jolene and that you guided her to a book that ministered to her.
5. I am thankful for company that is coming Friday night.
6. I am thankful for health and strength.
7. I am thankful that Jerry and I could eat our supper on the back deck tonight.
8. I am thankful for the cheery birds singing.
9. I am thankful for spring and its beauty.
10. I am thankful for Christianity and the hope it brings.

      I decided to make a start tonight with thankfulness. Now I will go on my knees and thank Him for the hard things also.

Second Day of Week Two

     I like the more peaceful atmosphere in our home. Very quiet.
     Today I came to the conclusion that I am obsessing over faults and failures in my life pretty much all the time. If I would start naming them they would stretch down to the end of the page. Instead of keeping Jesus in my sights I am dwelling on these. How am I to become like Him if all I concentrate on are my failings?
      I am thankful that God shows us who we are. Let me face it without shock or surprise, be honest about it and give it to Him. Opening my hand and releasing it as Jerry said. For that I need to trust God, not trying to fix it in my own strength. (I am talking this through for my own benefit.) I keep trying to fix the things I see, how does one stop?

Beginning of Week Two

     A grouchy, tense person is here. Withdrawal set in today full force. Doing mundane tasks without entertainment is hard and boring! I did get the laundry and ironing done, all in quietness. Stacie and I got a bit testy with each other when I was ironing. Later, I yelled, "I'm having withdrawal!" She yells back, "I am too!" I tell her she does not have to, she can go downstairs and watch something if she wants. She says, "I'm a social watcher! I don't like watching things alone." This made me laugh.
    One thing I noticed is that of course, you get more done in a shorter period of time when not watching something.
    What I am reaching for is that peace, contentment and joy knowing you are doing exactly what God would have you do. I remember a time when the children were younger and I was homeschooling that this was how I felt. Now too often I am questioning what I should be doing. Maybe I am in transition. I would like to do something that I can pour my heart into.

Day Seven, One Week

     Another day done. One week completed.
     Am I sorry I started this? Not yet.
     Today my brain worked better. I got up a bit before seven. By 9:25, I had two casseroles made, ingredients for a salad prepared, and raced to shower and got dressed for church. And we got to church on time. The kitchen looked like something had exploded in it though. When we got home from church after the fellowship meal, we put the left overs away and took naps. When I woke there was clattering in the kitchen. I go to see who is working on it and here Jerry and Chris had pretty much cleaned it up! I finished cleaning up and Stacie helped get the rest of the house straightened and I even got the laundry started. Hopefully, clear thinking will continue.
     In some of my reading this evening, the love that God has toward us was so apparent. Some of the illustrations she used made it clearer. One was her own father, who was very upset with her and her siblings for unwittingly digging a tunnel into their neighbor's yard and causing his brick wall to fall. But after the spanking what did her dad do? He went down on his hands and knees and without recriminations helped them fix it. She brought out how the love of parents for their children comes from the Father and their love in no way is more than the Father's.
    We like to see our children happy. We like to see them blessed. We love to see them taking strides toward maturity and growing in their Christian life, taking responsibility, etc. We do not like to see them suffer and yet, at time we know it is for their own good. How much more will our heavenly Father be like this.

Day Six

     This new order of things has made me feel discombobulated. I feel disoriented and scatter brained. A boring task seems even more so, and more tedious. At the same time, I am trying to work through some other things, so all in all there is a struggle.
     Saturday nights is movie night in this house, so I was not sure how this would go. Jerry offered to give it up tonight but I had other things to do, so it is not bothering me. Chris and Stacie are at a birthday party so the house is quiet.
     I feel the need to find a new normal. Lord, help me find it and work through the dry, dusty times. Help me be satisfied with having done Your will. Let me live as unto You when no one sees and no one knows.
     Question: Do we get attacked by the Enemy when we endeavor to more perfectly do His will and when we keep going even more resolutely than before; determined to serve our Lord no matter how many failures, no matter how pathetic our efforts?

Day Five

     Day five of the fast is almost gone. Writing about this is becoming dull and boring. Acedia is kicking in. Is this really necessary? Is it useful? Who cares? This is regarding writing this blog not the fast. Doing something regularly is boring so we will see whether I shall prevail.
     The temptation now is to replace watching something with something equally frivolous.
     Trivia for the day: The only house we cleaned that did not have animals in it, now has two long-eared cats in it.

Day Four

    A headache is haunting me. Probably due to the unairconditioned house I cleaned this morning. Is this last sentence a sentence? I don't know and am too tired to care. When I get too hot for too long I get sick, one more reason to dread heat.
    Today was harder. Since I was a young child I would imagine things better than they were. Facing hard things has never been my strong suit. Conflict, pain, discouragement, all things to avoid by blocking it out by some means or another. Working through something painful..well..I'd much rather just leave it and hope it goes away by itself. The problem is some things don't go away by themselves. So much for the commentary. Let's just say I was tempted to watch something but did not. I did play two games of Chinese checkers by myself. :)
    I am reading a book by YWAM on one of their missionaries. Trusting God for each need is very prominent in the book. I am wondering if I should be living more that way and that maybe if I don't need that trust then maybe I'm not living dangerously enough.

Day Three

     Very tired tonight. When finishing the lawn tonight, I thought on brother Dale's quote by T. Austin Sparks. When we're feeling bad or discouraged that is when we tell Jesus, "This is who I am, but I will look on You and believe in You." As I dwelt on Him and thought of Him tears welled up in my eyes and I felt like weeping. He alone is worthy.
     I finished Jerry's book last night. His conversion was very moving. The pains God took to reach Him and how this hardened fourteen year old wept for days because God wanted him and loved Him. Showed again the lengths God will go to win a soul.
     This is day three of my viewing fast. No uncontrollable urges or temptations yet. One thing I noticed today that was very different, is when I came home from work at noon I went to the trouble of making a new pasta dish I wanted to try. Usually, I just get something quick and sit down and watch something while I eat. Definitely, an improvement. Oh, and it was yummy. This confirms one theory I have, that watching things stifles creativity.
     Praise the Lord, for He is good.
    

Viewing Fast Day Two

    Day two is almost done. Not an easy day, due to unexpected things occurring. I went to clean the house I usually clean every other Tuesday and the door is locked. Hmm..So I return home figuring someone forgot to leave the door unlocked, which turned out to be the case. This means I am home alone and easily tempted. I stand firm and do laundry, etc. Then when I go to mow lawn in the afternoon the mower wouldn't start. All this shows me I need to learn to roll with the punches.
    I did some reading, which I see right now, I'm going to have to watch. I am reading Jerry's book about his growing up years. I had no idea he was such a hardened little crook. What I can not understand is why. I like to understand what makes people act the way they do, so this is very interesting.
    I did not watch anything today but I could have done a better job with this day so I don't feel especially gleeful. I see areas that need work, one of which is dealing with the unexpected better.

Viewing Fast Day One

     Today was my fiftieth birthday. When I was young I would say I want to live to one hundred. I am half way there. Now my mentality is, that it will take that long for God to get me ready for eternity. It seems to take me a long time to learn things.
     Being compulsive in some areas has been a worrisome beast in my life. One of them being, watching movies, shows, etc. I know it is not a healthy passtime even if it is supposedly harmless. Anyway, about a month ago, I had the inspiration to go on a fast of watching anything for entertainment for a year, starting on my birthday. Then a sermon was preached in our church that further confirmed it. The stickler was my husband. I was not sure he would support it. He is usually not in favor of radical things but is always in favor of moderation. To my surprise, he supports it, which was the final confirmation.
    Today is day number one of this fast. In place of watching things, I have taken a nap, read two chapters in two different inspirational books, biked on the trail, and went out to eat with Stacie.
     I have some theories about what watching things does to you and am curious if I  am right. I will be blogging about my experiences and how it goes and its effects.