Desperation

     With failure looming before me, looking inevitable, I thought of the verse that says He makes a way of escape. So in my heart crying out to God with my whole being, I said to Him, "You said You make a way of escape. You promised!" I just clung to it and insisted that this is what He promised, knowing all the time that otherwise there would be another failure, another flop and more defeat. Knowing also that of myself, it was not going to happen. The temptation was too strong. 

     The consequences of failure were too hideous, too horrible. Desperation gripped me. He heard. Sometime as I was cleaning yesterday afternoon, it lifted. New strength and wholeness was given. The tempter had to leave. Only Jesus. Only Jesus can grant this type of miracle.

     Trying to actively practice thankfulness and banishing any condemning or critical thoughts is occupying my thought life. Lots of practice still needed.

      Maybe I will explain a bit what I was being tempted with. Playing games on the computer was getting a hold of me again. I had started playing them while eating salad in order to get it down. But the big thing that I could feel slipping was my diet. Very frightening knowing what will be in my future if I don't get this weight off and keep doing the exercises. A very painful foot and surgery. Also I really want to get away from the compulsive behavior that has dominated my life. Freedom to live as I ought is what I want and have through Jesus.

      I am thankful for Jesus. Thankful that we have promises we can cling to and insist on. Thankful for supper at Ruby Tuesdays. (They have things I can eat.) Thankful that the girls could go skating with the youth group tonight. Thankful that Chris is getting a big meal at Texas De Brazil. (He has been working hard on his house and has been somewhat stressed.) Thankful that Brandon is there too. (They have had some stress lately.) Thankful that Johns and Christophers got to go to Honduras and that they found the coffee that Jerry and Stacie like. Thankful for renters for the two houses Jerry built. Very thankful. Thankful for life everlasting. May I live so as to be able to enjoy heaven and its wonders.